Models with ball skills

Until recently, I had never heard of the Madrid Masters tennis tournament. Then again, I'm only familiar with tournaments that have the word "Open" in them or are associated with pointy-nosed furry creatures who overground, underground go wombling free.

Suddenly the Madrid Masters was all over the news just because they decided to use female models instead of the usual ballboys. In addition to getting paid about $1,110 the models also received 2 weeks training on how to pick up and throw a tennis ball and hand towels to people. Originally only 1 week of training was planned but it had to be extended another week when the models kept running up to the white lines of the court and trying to inhale them.

It's quite heartening to see that big organisations are doing something to help the 0.00000000001% of the world's population that is born with perfect genes find gainful employment outside of the catwalk and catalogues, and teach them practical skills.

Unfortunately, the media decided to bombard Andre Agassi for his opinions about the whole issue - he wasn't too sure about the whole thing but thought the skirts could be shorter. Can we really take the opinion of a man who dated Barbra Streisand seriously? He's always been a bit of a clown, that one, even in the early days when he could outmane an entire pride. His crazy clowning ways were what attracted Brooke Shields to him in the first place, and since they split she's still been looking for someone to fill that void.

In case you were wondering, this is what the other tennis players had to say about the controversy:

Andy Roddick: Not a good idea. I'm boycotting this event. Everybody is supposed to be looking at me! This was why I dumped Mandy Moore in the first place. Nobody is allowed to be cuter than me. Pout.

Tim Henman: This doesn't make a difference to me. I won't be in the tournament long enough to appreciate them.

Lleyton Hewitt: Come on!!! Models! Yesssss!! *pumps fist* Wooo!! I'm not playing?? AAAARGGGHH!! What??? Come on!!!

Marat Safin: Are you sure they are models? I thought one of them was Anna Kournikova.

Anna Kournikova: Bitch, are you blind? Do you see any of them wearing Adidas, Berlei or Omega? You think I would just display myself like that for everyone to see?

Now, if only corporate sponsors would adopt similar practices for other sports like golf. I'm sure underneath all that walking and more walking it's really quite a nice game but I might be able to summon up more interest in the game if for example, models were parading the latest fashions along the fairway. It would give the golfers' wives/girlfriends something to think about spending their partner's trophy money on, and at the same time help the single golfers find suitable girlfriends without having to prowl the nanny circuit.