Turning to the dark side

Let's tear our eyes away from her startlingly sullen genitalia-ish mouth for a moment and focus on Paris Hilton's new hair colour. Turning brunette is usually something that the more socially inept twin or less musically talented sister without the reality tv show does but many fashion-forward celebrities are increasingly turning to the dark side. Their reasons are varied but nonetheless compelling.

Renee Zellweger
Turning brunette helped my hair to shed all the pounds it gained during the filming of Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason. So now I'm not only rich, have an Oscar and get to be the sliver of meat in a Colin Firth Hugh Grant sandwich but I'm also thin. Gosh, little petite slim lucky me.

Brooke Burns
I starred in Baywatch, married the same man as Dannii Minogue did, and dated Bruce Willis. After all that, I felt that I owed it to myself to do something classy for a change.

Mandy Moore
I did it to differentiate from my peers because I didn't want to be just another blonde fresh-faced pop starlet coasting on mediocre talent and a nice rack. I'm much more comfortable with the way I am perceived now, as a brunette fresh-faced pop starlet coasting on mediocre talent and a nice rack.

Sarah Jessica Parker
Jumping on the bandwagon, seems like the in thing to do nowadays. What, I can't be a follower? *Sigh* Sex and the City is OVER, I'm with the GAP now! Don't you get it, I don't set the trends anymore, I just see them on the catwalk and transform them into affordable copies for the masses.

Reese Witherspoon
As chief wage earner in the household (ie people actually go to watch my movies), I can dye my hair whatever colour I f***ing want. RYAN!! Goddammit, how many times have I said 2 sugars in my coffee? This tastes like mud! RYAN!! I can't believe you burnt the toast again! And where the hell is my morning paper?? RYAAAAN!!

Back to Paris, that's actually just a wig covering her usual platinum card blondeness. That loud sound you just heard is a huge collective sigh of relief from brunettes all around the world. Paris put on the wig in the belief that her intelligence would rocket to about room temperature (Celsius). However after wearing it for a few hours, she still didn't know what the Wall Street Journal was (is it in the same neighbourhood as Walmart?) or how to pronounce grammar and punctuation.

Thank god there's at least one smart blonde left in the entertainment industry.