Summer Interns

FIRMWIDE MEMO RE: WELCOME SUMMER INTERNS!

Our first lot of summer interns have arrived! I have attached a summary of their CVs and set out a short profile below. This way you know a bit more about them and don't dismiss them as faceless fodder.

BEN is in his final year of college studying a communications degree. While his grades are nothing to get excited about, he is strong on extracurricular activities such as gym crunches and contact sports. These activities have helped him develop the most magnificent set of biceps and abs we have seen at this company for a long time. We have it on good authority that he is gay so ladies please back off, because you ain't getting a piece of him.

KELLY is the daughter of one of our key clients so please go and say hi to her. Gift baskets of fruit, flowers and chocolates will also be appreciated. Under no circumstances is she to be given work. If you need to take her out to lunch, please check with her secretary first. She is also looking for somebody to give footrubs and organize her shoe collection by taking polaroid pictures of her shoes, then sticking the photos onto the shoe boxes.

PORNCHAI is this year's international exchange intern. He hails from the Bangkok office and is fluent in five languages none of which are English. Pornchai will be working in the strategic executive division where he will assist in compiling the management reports. It is not ok to refer to him as PORN due to the hilarious social implications involved. We are already thinking of extending his stay because he makes the cutest carved elephants ever and knows the proper way to fix a green curry.

CASEY is in the process of repeating his final year for the third time. Outside of study, he has set up various entrepreneurial ventures related to recreational and experimental drug use. This will be great news to most of you because we can now sever ties with our current dealer and get our drugs from Casey at substantial discounts!

ANDREA has a flawless academic record. In her spare time she pens prize-winning treatises, plays several musical instruments at concert level and develops beta vaccines for new strains of deadly diseases. We had her IQ tested and the results were frankly quite frightening. However her nonexistent social skills mean that we have relegated her to menial tasks such as photocopying, filing and holepunching until she can come to grips with the real world.

FRED once killed a man with his bare hands and only served a few years of his sentence in a maximum security prison before getting parole. He is partway through a sales and marketing degree which he started by distance education. His hobbies include reading, woodwork, gardening and being quietly intense.

Please give a warm welcome to our summer interns and for the next few weeks, try to make them feel like a part of our team. We are fortunate to have such capable young individuals who could very well represent the future of this company.