Friday, September 30

A watch for every occasion

With Lil Kim now in jail , it's up to us to make sure she remains a viable entity during her year-long incarceration. Yes, you can buy her new album but the lyrics are all angrylike and don't offer up an explanation for her extensive plastic surgery. Another way we can keep her empire strong is to buy her Royalty by Lil Kim ( watches. That way, every time we look at the watch we can imagine what she is doing in prison. If it's 3pm, she must be punching a little stink ass bitch in the mouth. 6pm, sipping Cristal while all dem nasty hos are sucking it up in the prison cafeteria.

It behooves me to say that the official website is more tasteful than I could have ever imagined. I can't believe I'm typing these words but the Queen Bee is clothed in all the right places and her legs are closed. As for the watch, by jove, it's actually wearable!

The watches were designed in collaboration with Jacob the Jeweler, the people who brought you the Playboy watch.

The cost is approximately 20 lovemaking sessions with the sugar daddy of your choice. If you look closely you will see four mini sperm figures on the watch face, which is the same amount that Hugh Hefner has left in him.

Personally I prefer my accessories without all the spackle and the nipple guards. There are times when I just want to sit quietly by the window, shed a few nostalgic tears and write the songs of love and special things. For these occasions, there can be only one timepiece.

From the Barry Manilow Official Merchandise Store.

Another blog to visit: The Slinky Cat Speaks - Stalking and occasionally maiming life's sacred cows in the urban jungle.


At 7:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

TOO FUNNY! Way to go... the watches are beautifully gaudy but your writing is simply beautiful. :)


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