What every self-respecting man should own

Oh look, China has finally succumbed to giving their people the freedom of sexy lingerie. Which is a good thing, considering that mistresses are back in vogue. To make a decent go of it, a guy should aim for a collection of seven. That may seem like a lot but when you consider how many pairs of shoes women hoard, it's really not much at all. Here is a guide to the seven mistresses every Chinese man should own.

Your first mistress should ultimately be more trouble than she is worth. She is at once tantalizing but seemingly impenetrable. You will incur papercuts trying to get close to her and will ultimately decide that she serves merely a decorative purpose.


In contrast, the second mistress should be a little more adventurous and open to suggestions. She should, for example, be willing to put on a clear plastic raincoat and roleplay scenes from Bladerunner.


The next one would be what the others refer to as "the slutty one". They are jealous because she is often found on her hands and knees, removing dust from hard-to-reach corners.


I also recommend that you get one who is musically inclined. She should be able to given an instrumental performance while dressed in something superbly tacky. In other words, she should strive to be like a member of Bond.


Consider diversifying your portfolio with a Caucasian. She won't be happy about having to share you but you can placate her with various items formerly used to dress up a table at a Pink Princess Tea Party.


You also want one who's a bit of traditionalist. She wears her traditional values close to her heart, nothing around her mid-section, and a dainty flower next to her auspiciously coloured hooha.


Finally, you should nab the low-maintenance one. The one who is so convenient and economical that she comes with her own portable makeshift boudoir. You never know when it might come in handy.


Another blog to visit: Almost Girl - Where Plato and Prada Meet. Check out the past week of Black Friday blogging.