Snippets from Tom Ford's inbox

Keira:
Make sure you come straight from filming PoTC2. I want to smell the heady mix of Orlando Bloom and Johnny Depp manscent on you. It's the only thing that gets me through this goddamn farce.
best,
T

Hi Tom,
Is it ok if Woody (Allen) came along on the day? He just wants to watch and get some ideas....for his next movie that is. I've been practising for the shoot by looking at some of his old photos of Soonyi. Looking forward to it!
Cheers
Scar-Jo

T
Love the cover! I look so sexy! I'm on the cover! Reese isn't! Suck on that! Check out the size of those thighs on Scarlett. They should have called this the Vanity FAT issue. Hee!
KK

Dear Tom
I'm really sorry for running out on you like that. I was just so scared. Nobody warned me about the whole thing. I had no idea that Scarlett's breasts were so terrifyingly huge. Hope we can still work together in the future.
Rachel

Rachel:
I don't think so. You acted very unprofessionally even though I tried my best to get you comfortable by making the setup as tasteful as possible. Any other actress in your position would have jumped at the chance to massage Scarlett's breasts with their mouth while having their buttocks fondled by Keira.
Not impressed
Tom

Hey Tom
I would like to take home a couple of things used in the VF shoot. Their names are Kassandra, Valencia and Tatiana. Rest assured I won't be needing the more valuable stuff like their designer underwear.
George C.

Dear Mr Ford,
Please excuse Dakota Fanning from this nude photoshoot. She is not yet 14 years old.
Mr and Mrs Fanning

From one Tom to another
As one of your biggest fans, I was so excited to hear about this new creative project of yours. However, as one of the top money-making stars of Hollywood, I must confess that I don't "get" the resulting cover. How could anyone think that a gay guy, a thin chick and a curvy chick is representative of Hollywood today?