Asian Excellence Awards
For reasons not immediately apparent (nor indeed apparent after several hours of cogitation) to me, Bai Ling's breasts were invited to attend last week's Asian Excellence Awards. Due to their multiple engagements, they didn't even have time to change properly for the Sundance Film Festival.
Who knew that even D-list breasts would have such a packed schedule? However trying to associate Bai Ling with the word "excellence" is a Sisyphean task. Oh believe me, I tried and all that I could come up with was excellence in:
- accessorizing the same glittery bra with slut-tastic outfits
- getting people to know who she is without even knowing why they should
- paving an alternative career path for Chinese actresses who don't want to go down the route of playing a geisha
- timing and execution of nipple slips
- making a belt seem as superfluous as a Jackie Chan-branded panama hat that retails for 110 pounds.
If you really wanted to see Asian excellence should be rewarded, look no further than Hong Kong where we recognise and attainment in several areas. Most recently, we crowned a group of ladies for their abilities to stand or sit on the edge of a chair while their knees were bent.
We also dole out awards for various unique talents, such as best single outfit interpretation of Madonna: Fashion Medley of the 80s, 90s through to present day.
Even if you don't win though, you can still take solace in the fact that you're probably still better off than the guy next you. Whether or not his name is in that little envelope, he's already lost in a big way.
Another blog to visit: Hypersynaesthesia - the colours in your head