Vote me some pants

As far as rock star progeny go, Kimberly Stewart is disappointingly underwhelming. In a town where everyone is in possession of highly pronounced sternum and straggly blonde hair, and can tell a story of how they were at one time engaged for all of 5 minutes, it is difficult for her to stand out. Looking 20 years older than most of her father's lovers doesn't help either. This is probably because when you have as many children as Rod Stewart has, some are bound to fall by the way side.

Even so, she has still been considered important enough to the subject of an internet poll. One where the options aren't "Man?", "Woman?" or "Hermaphrodite?". Instead we have been tasked with the challenge of helping to select her Grammy gown.

The problem is, none of them are long enough to be considered "gowns". Gowns by their very definition should be longer than an A4 page.


To rectify this, I've selected some pants for you to vote upon.

Harem jeans

After you put her hair up in a ponytail and have a few too many drinks, Kimberly could arguably pass for a low-rent I Dream of Jeannie in a tv show nobody would ever watch. Denim is generally ok to wear on the red carpet nowadays if you are completely ancillary to the proceedings. These jeans also have that distressed look which so many of the cashed up youths covet and are willing to let their celebrity parents pay a premium for.

Disco gauchos

Gauchos are another thing that people of a certain age and naivety are keenly sporting nowadays. This particular style produces cameltoe but in a very flattering and feminine shade. The diamond also acts as an all seeing eye for Kimberly's crotch to scope out its next meal. It has a taste for guys who are semi-famous but slightly less so than her.

"Savvy" leggings

Nordstrom.com is marketing this as savvy. Is it because they transform you into a skilful urchin who can weave adroitly through a busy crowd, lifting wallets and jewellery? What about the shoes? Are they are also street smart in the ways of cracked pavements? Something tells me this knickerbocker-legging combo is about as savvy as a Kimberly Stewart-Paris Hilton pairing with the added bonus of Tara Reid lurking in the background.