Happy Lunar New Year

What are we waiting for? Let's get this thing started! You'd look slightly tetchy too if your year came around, and Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie still hadn't dropped off the low-end celebrity radar. To make things worse, a fair number of your compatriots have already started to view them as role models.


So much preparation goes into this festival that I feel exhausted just thinking about it. There's the paying of familial respects in return for money, the lighting of illegal firecrackers, the watching of abysmal variety shows, and the subsequent feasting. There's also the dreaded task of cleaning up the house and removing all the dust and grime that has built up during the last year.


On the personal grooming front, it's important to get your hair trimmed before the New Year for a fresh look. In fact your stylist, more than anyone else, will be largely responsible for the direction of your coming year. A bad cut can take the whole year to grow out and affect your entire outlook, or at the very least ensure that hats become an integral part of the your wardrobe.


Don't forget to offer up a blessing to the various deities that matter, such as the God of Wealth and his wonder dog Prosperity Pooch. Prosperity Pooch has the uncanny ability to sniff out sugar mummies and sugar daddies as well as track down freshly laundered funds for your taking.


My favourite part is the opportunity to go out and buy new clothes for yourself. I cannot think of any other holiday that encourages..nay embraces the unbridled glee involved in shopping for clothes you don't need.


How exactly will I seeing off the Year of the Rooster and ushering in the Year of the Dog? Like everyone else I imagine, by grabbing a bit of chicken and swallowing it whole to display our utter confidence in the state of our poultry.


As there is little time to spare during this 4-day binge, posting will resume on Wednesday. Wishing you a year of happiness (including fantastic shiny hair) and prosperity (such that designer goods no longer seem outrageously overpriced). Hold on to your puppies until I return!