The case for fashion belts

It took me god knows how long to achieve mastery of the belt as a fashion accessory, and I expect that it will take you the same amount of time too. Most people view the fashion belt with trepidation and rightly so. It strains disapprovingly against your stomach as you reach for dessert. It creates an extra obstacle when nature calls, turning a lavatory routine into a desperate race against time. It also has this annoying way on creeping up on you until you're practically up to your armpits in belt.



But don't let all of this steer you into the pure folly of trying to get by without a belt. What may appear to be a minor omission has the potential to end up looking so so very wrong like below:


Once you have accepted the belt into your daily regimen it will make perfect sense. It will be the first thing you reach for in your wardrobe. It will be the first thing you slip over your still-weary body, even before your underwear.


Things that you wore in the "pre-belt" era will seem dim and fuzzy and not worth remembering. No matter how "dressed up" you are, you will feel practically undressed without a belt to complete your outfit.


And if you happened to score an invite to a Miami Vice premiere, then wouldn't you want to wear something bright and eyecatching for Mr Farrell? The man is always looking for new challenges, new items of female apparel that he can undo in a matter of seconds.


This young damsel has been using hers as a chastity belt following her public vow to remain celibate for a year. Legend has it that it will fall apart upon the touch of a true and handsome Greek prince aboard a fancy yacht.


For men, belts no longer have to match their socks and shoes. What's more important is that they rapidly flash different colours and emit pulverising gamma rays because the office can get intense that way.


Next update: Friday August 18