Friday, September 1

And then a hero comes along

Potential disasters averted through the timely intervention of Tom Cruise

One day while Tom was making his daily rounds through suburbia in search of ordinary folk to rescue, he came upon Dave, a harried office worker who had just missed his car pool. Tom was about to offer Dave a lift in his Bugatti Veyron but decided to do one better. By running really fast like he does in his action movies, Tom managed to spin the world backward, reversing time and thereby allowing Dave to catch his usual ride.

Some of Tom's lucky rescuees have never even met him before. For example, Fiona posted a desperate plea on an internet forum for help with her term paper which was due the following day. Masked behind the username OTVII, Tom graciously offered to share his vast technical knowledge on the topic area. Through the power of instant messaging, Tom was able to help Fiona produce a stellar piece of academic work titled the "History of Psychiatry".

Janet had just come out of a bitter breakup with her ex-boyfriend and wanted to make some big changes in her life. In fact, she wasn't even sure whether she liked men anymore. Intent on exploring her sexual identity, she rocked up to the nearest lesbian bar to find Tom Cruise barring the doorway. Fortunately for Janet, Tom whisked her away for a romantic evening of sushi on his private jet, champagne in Paris and a luxurious rose petal bath. The experience convinced her not to stray off the path of heterosexuality and she went to successfully marry a man and have his babies.

While filming Mission Impossible: 3 in China, Tom's people were approached by the village mayor of an impoverished rural area. The mayor was seeking donations to fund the economic and educational development of the province. In an incredible display of generosity, Tom bought each household a sonogram machine so that the villagers could check up on their unborn children in the comfort of their own homes.

Tom saved a deer fawn's life when he was vacationing in Africa. He was travelling through the Serengeti wilderness and noticed a cheetah in fierce pursuit of a young buck. There was not enough time to jump into the fray so Tom let out his trademark manic laugh. It freaked the cheetah into thinking that some psycho hyena was on its tail, allowing the deer to scamper away into safety.

An elderly couple were stranded on a highway recently when their car somehow sensed that Tom was in vicinity and promptly broke down. After pulling over and shouting "Here I come to save the day!", Tom quickly leapt into action to fix the problem. By the time the roadside technician arrived, Tom had sold the couple a used car and sent them on their way.

Next update: Monday September 4


At 1:27 PM, Blogger h&b said...

Freaky Tom, he scares me ....

At 2:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i'm still trying to analyse this post. why are we picking on Tom, the last samurai...

At 9:26 PM, Anonymous Pharmamedics said...

Tom is irresistible!) I sow Mission 3. I like that film, all 3 of them.

At 12:54 PM, Anonymous buttercup said...

It really sounds like there is nothing that Tom can't do! If he were a surgeon, he'd be able to get his laproscopic equipment into position using nothing but his magic hands. If he were a chiropractor, one look from him and his patient would be able to slip on his best pair of shoes and dance the night away!


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