Great strides in panties (Part 1)

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope everyone has a fresh pair of underwear on because it makes a good impression on your date. It's right up there with a firm handshake, eye contact and a smile. Even if you don't have anything special planned for tonight (sharing pizza and red wine with cats does not count), imagine how proud your mum will be!

You've finally succumbed to all her nagging about are you wearing clean underwear today, make sure you're wearing clean underwear in case you're in an accident, do you have enough clean underwear, you know how much dirty underwear disgusts me, ohhh dirty like the minds of young men nowadays and those cheap girls with their lipstick and boozy cleavages who want to soil innocent boys..ohhhh I refuse to speak of such disgusting things, they disgust me so!!!!!. Oh mum, she isn't quite herself today. She just goes a little mad sometimes. Oh, but she's harmless. She's as harmless as one of those stuffed birds. Why, she wouldn't even harm a fly.

So as I was saying, if you only change your underwear once a year then make today, the most romantic of days, that day. On that note, let's take a look at what great strides are being made in panty design. We live in a time of enormous progress and panties are no exception. Basic thongs & g-strings have already things of the past, the dinosaurs of unmentionables.

Backless lingerie
Back in August 2004 I read the heartwarming story of how a Gold Coast couple invented the backless g-string. I think they are being a tad humble in referring to themselves as an average Mum & Dad. There is nothing average about a Mum who has a visible g-string problem, a Dad who allows Mum to have this problem and parents who don't realise from the piles of festering jeans fermenting in the laundry basket that their daughters have been freebagging it like duhh.

It all went quiet for a little bit but now they've finally got backing! Financial backing that is, for the panties remain backless at backlesslingerie.com. But patent standards have slipped quite a bit because there is no magic in these design-protected backless panties. This is the same look that can be achieved by pulling down the back half of normal panties in order to moon passersby out of a car window. And leaving the panties half off because the breeze is ever so ticklish.

Also, what if you have a flat ass. Those leg bands are assuming a degree of curvature that is often taken for granted by men who like their women airbrushed and straddling things. What is really bothering me though is the model on the far right. It's the strokeable two-tone mane that passes for her hair. It leads me to believe that if the picture was taken at an angle, we would be treated to the unmistakable sight of centaur torso and hindquarters.

TO BE CONTINUED TOMORROW. That's all the time I have for you today, have to feed rest of pizza to the cats.