Tuesday, February 15

Great strides in panties (Part 2)

UPDATE: The news sites have seen fit to put backless panties back in the headlines again! Well one news site anyway. It turns out that average Gold Coast mum is originally from New Zealand. And that her NZ-based sister who helps out with the business is called Amanda Crack. That name is going to stick in my mind like nothing ever taught in school ever did. In fact I should just stop right now and have a coffee break. I mean, these jokes just write themselves!

Before we move on, I'd like to thank those who sent an email to gloat about what a great time they had on Valentine's Day by themselves. By all accounts it sounded like an Agent Provocateur party for one. A certain young lady even submitted a photo to demonstrate how she enjoyed the company of her mini gilded gramophones.

Who could have imagined that these least phallic of awards could render such a crescendo of pleasure. I'd expect this of an MTV Video Music Award but never a Grammy! Now let's leave Alicia to her own devices and get back to more relevant matters.

Scratch and sniff
Scratch and sniff undies seek to recreate olfactory reminders of the men in our lives. But as usual I'm late to the party because some styles like medium mower man have already sold out. There must be an overwhelming proportion of women in relationships with men who cut grass for a living. There are even discussion forums for these mower groupies with topics like he trimmed my bush and left without saying goodbye!

From a design perspective, it's not clear what the scent patch is made of. It looks to be merely a flimsy sticker. There's no telling how many washes the scent patch is good for. I question whether we are even supposed to wash these panties at all. When the stench of used underwear threatens to envelope you in a fetid fog, reach in and have a bit of scratch. Soon it will be masked by the tangy bbq smell wafting up from your crotch. The smell of slow-cooked meat!

Some of you showed remarkable foresight in yesterday's comments by suggesting the inevitable death of underpants and the use of adhesive panty liners. The last Anti-panti rally I attended got really pumping when the keynote speaker urged the crowds to rise up and throw off the shackles of underpants. It was better than a Tom Jones concert.

The anti-panti is suspiciously similar to a scratch and sniff sticker without the scent-masking ability. For that, I have to deduct points. It is also terribly disappointing to see that the anti-panti comes in only a standard 4 inch size. Yet another failure of the fashion industry to recognise diversity in female body sizes. What becomes of the wideset woman, the woman who uses tampons such as these?


At 11:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, the Prince Charles special edition tampon! Just in time for his wedding.


At 2:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the camouflage anti-panti patch i get; 'it's a jungle down there.' but i question the spiritual rammifications of besmirching jesus. just doesn't seem right somehow. but, then, the bright lights to have spearheaded the anti-panty movement with so practical and seemingly easy-to-operate a solution must know best. thanks anti-panty!

At 6:17 AM, Blogger CrankyBiscuit said...

I don't get it... they make low rise panties. Exactly how low are your pants and skirts when you have to put the waistband of your underwear UNDER your ass?

Perhaps instead if making backless underwear, people should just pull their pants up just a smidge. I personally don't need to see cleavage below the waist... in front or in back. Gah.

At 7:10 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I have to say I'd rather see a high rising panty than an ass crack, really, truely, absoutley any-day.

and got to love the use of language on the anti-panty how-to page:
*spy your favourite hipsters.
* grab an anti-panty and peel-off backside*giggle*
* artfully stick it inside your pants
* gleefully zip or button up and enjoy an anti-panty day.

Did someone let panty loose with a Thesaurus again?


At 9:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You might want to check this site for some hygiene related posts.



At 12:45 AM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

Yes! I totally agree about not wanting to see lower body cleavage. How long have they been saying that high-waisted or at least normal-waisted jeans will be back in? I wish "they" would say it like they mean it!

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