Thursday, April 28

You've come a long way Katie

This morning I was happily browsing the news - oil prices lower, gold prices fall, surplus in budget, something about China/Taiwan/pro-democracy something or other, possibly pandas involved. Suddenly I reeled back in horror as a certain headline reached out and slapped me in the face. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes? What the..who the..where the..? It couldn't have been more random as Dakota Fanning (Tom's co-star in War of the Worlds) and Michael Caine (Katie's co-star in Batman Begins) hooking up. We live in interesting times indeed.

Once I calmed down and was able to cast a clinical eye over the cold hard facts, it does seem like a match made in heaven. He likes filing gay defamation lawsuits, her father is a lawyer. He's been consistently named as one of most powerful actors in Hollywood, she's been voted "Babe of the Year 98" by Expressen Fredag in Sweden. He reportedly likes women, her bust is 34C.

Katie's certainly come a long way for a girl who has the following quote in her IMDB profile:
"I think every little girl dreams about her wedding. I used to think I was going to marry Tom Cruise."

It all started in aisle 3 of a small town supermarket.

Katie: Do you think I'll ever leave this place and become a huge Hollywood star?
Co-worker: *snort* Yeah right. There's about as much chance of that happening as Tom Cruise divorcing Nicole Kidman.

Katie: Now that Dawson's Creek has finished, how do I stay in the spotlight?
Director: Well clearly acting in decent movies is out of the question. What about having a media-friendly relationship with someone who generates the same all-American fresh-faced preppy wholesomeness as you do?

Katie: (I don't think I could ever marry someone who wears five shades of brown all at once. He has got to go.)

Katie: Tell me what Tom was like when you worked with him.
Colin: Tom's a really great guy. Really really nice. Always smelling so good. And he makes a damn good breakfast-in-bed. Definitely a keeper. Soft too.

Katie: I'm so excited to be here at the Tom Cruise girlfriend auditions.
Claire: I know, I really need a hit role. I haven't been relevant in like, ages.

Katie: It's down to the final round. I better show Tom how much I want this job!

Katie: How did you ever cope? We've only been dating 2 weeks and I'm already behind in my Scientology reading!
Penelope: I know! Thank goodness I found a guy through the internet who can do all your homework for you. His rates are very reasonable.

Katie: Thanks for the invite to your fashion show. Next time you can address it to "Katie" instead of "Tom's girl". I never got this much attention from you when I was engaged to Chris (Klein).
Vera: Call me, Tom's girl. I'm your new best friend!


At 5:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

34C? If she's a 34C then my bras are mistakenly labeled 34A 'cause my little Chinese ladies look just a smidge smaller than hers. Maybe it is a Hollywood C including some type of adhesive and excess goop from Goldie Hawn's lips.
Isn't she a tad young, too? She might be closer in age to his children than him. (Of course, Hollywood relationships know no age boundaries in the face of "true love")

At 2:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

If Tom really wanted to end the Gay Defamation lawsuits, he should hook up with some big fat girl with a quick wit. I'm trying to think of an example, like Rosie O'donnel, or Margaret Cho, but I guess they're all gay too. Damn!

At 5:24 PM, Blogger hundrednorth said...

This post? Bravo. I salute you, woman!

At 12:02 AM, Blogger j-a said...

i know it was really scary to read that the two of them are together.

At 1:10 AM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

There are new pics of them *shudder*

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Paul said...

There's been a lot of talk online recently about what constitutes "too young" when you're dating down, and the consensus is that the test for borderline creepy is (0.5 * age) + 7.

Tom's 42, Katie's 26. Fail!

At 7:01 PM, Blogger Burnt Karma said...

I love the formula for "borderline creepy". What about the age gap between Demi and Ashton?

Anyhoo, back to Tom. Is Katie ready to carry his child? Cos, like, Tom's seriously in trouble on the fertility front. He's 42 and hasn't had any paternity suits. Now Colin Farrel on the other hand...

Wonder how "our Nic" is taking it? Lying down?

At 1:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Came across your journal by accident. Just wanted to say I was quietly laughing to myself reading this entry. You are too funny!!

At 9:11 AM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

All that botox would prevent our Nic from registering any emotional reaction to the news.

At 7:06 PM, Anonymous Snarkypants said...

This? Excellent work! Truly inspired. Right pics, right captions.

You are spot on!


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