Thursday, March 30

If the shoe fits wear it on your head

Oooohhh I've had it up to *here* with all my friggin' hats. They are way more trouble than they're worth. I've got half a mind to stack them on top of another jenga-style and revel in delight when they collapse.

One of my biggest problems has been finding the right fit. Either they're too big to start off with, leaving you floundering about like a kitten with a soup bowl on its head, but once you pop them in the wash they come out barely able to cover your crown.

And by the end of the day, it usually ends up sliding right down onto your face and making a huge mess. Why abide with that sort of nuisance when I already have cheap mascara and foundation to do that for me.

Knowing too well these problems that have plagued hat-wearers, designers have come up with some convenient alternatives.

Left to right: An expensive-looking too-good-to-be-worn shoe that also gives the impression that you like being stepped on; Gargantuan mutant rose, nourished on the flesh of hobos who wander onto the garden in search of a place to nap

Left to right: Paper bag in a neutral shade for those "ugly" days; Tribute to the most diligent member of the Addams Family, also converts into a handy backscratcher

Left to right: Teddy bear or other cute plush toy, ripped from the hands of a screaming toddler; A weighty tome to give the appearance of high intellect when it is actually a Dan Brown made-for-movie novel in hard cover.

Left to right: Aluminium foil in sufficient quantity to deflect mind control rays; Quill pen set, historically worn by Victorian-age geeks before pocket protectors were invented.


At 5:29 AM, Anonymous beautifulatrocities said...

Why am I a blogging pauper when I could be designing hats??

At 7:41 AM, Blogger Flaurella said...

Oh, My!
You always make me laugh but today, you caused me to sneeze gin right out of my nose.

Hmmm... Perhaps I should design a special hat just for this occasion....

Flaurella loves the Spirit Fingers

At 8:45 AM, Anonymous jenny said...

That quill number looks like the woman got to the wedding and thought to herself, "Dang! I forgot that we were supposed to wear a hat!" So she lifted the pen from the guest-book table at the front door, holder and all, and tied it to her head with her sash.

At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the one with the silver dome, she looks like Robocop. and the one with the feathers in her face, she looks like a member from Kiss. Hilarious!

- manonmars

PS - My proposal still stands, marry me!

At 12:30 PM, Anonymous jenny said...

Actually, the aluminum hat looks like a construction accident. She was walking beneath a building that was being remodeled when a piece of siding or a slice from the air duct fell off, the impact and gravity together collapsing it into the delicate coils we see here.

At 3:27 PM, Blogger bobgirrl said...

You forgot to mention that obviously only those who have been in a horrible accident (hence head-bandages) get to wear the shoe hat.

At 3:56 PM, Blogger sonar said...

Katherine Helmond in Brazil.
The more our true focus is on the goods, the more fashion focuses on the extremes (head and feet).

At 12:02 AM, Blogger Chevy Rose said...

Anytime I need to focus on which Levis jeans and boots to wear each day, I just drop by here.
I am so out of "Style"...:o)

At 12:49 AM, Anonymous Leah said...

I mean...there's just no sense in a shoe on your head. No sense at all. Hehe.

At 12:17 AM, Blogger Fuzzball said...

Brilliant and hilarious as usual!


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