Friday, April 7

The Best Man Speech at a Soap Opera Wedding

Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who don't know me, my name is Colt and I'm Steele's younger brother and best man. To tell the truth Steele is actually the product of our mother's affair with my uncle, making Steele my half-brother and possibly my cousin assuming that my uncle is really my dad's brother because you never quite know what's happening with this family. Since I had already prepared the speech and everything, we thought it would be best to proceed as originally planned. But how this will alter the split of the massive wealth we stand to inherit and the dynamics in our family empire remains to be seen.

Enough about me, let's get onto celebrating the love between Cherish and Steele which is why we're all here today. I think you'd all agree that it was a great service this morning. Indeed it's been a while since we've all been to a wedding without incident. Special mention should go to the bridesmaids who all look lovely and are only outshone by the lovely bride Cherish. I'd also like to thank guests who have travelled from distant places such as Moldavia to join this happy event.

Cherish and Steele have known each other ever since they were children. As they grew up watching their fathers trying to takeover each other's company, their forced rivalry blossomed into love. However despite their deep feelings for one another they never really got together until much later on because the timing was never right. Whenever Cherish was single, Steele would already be in a relationship and whenever Steele was available, Cherish would either too busy dating or being stalked by another guy.

Finally destiny prevailed and at the end of Season 3 they shared their first kiss. Like any couple, they've had to go through some rough patches to test their commitment to each other. The parents were understandably upset at first given their age-old enmity. Our stepmother Montana, in particular, who is also Steele's ex-wife (try not to think about it too much or your head will explode) didn't take the news too well. *chuckle* Some of you may fondly remember Montana's more elaborate schemes like the kidnapping plot and the part where she tried to electrocute Cherish in her own jacuzzi.

When Steele finally proposed to Cherish, everyone breathed a huge sigh of relief that their on-off relationship would be resolved once and for all. They had broken up so many times by then that I even took the opportunity to have a brief affair with Cherish during one of these timeouts. However we ended our relationship amicably because anyone can see that Cherish and Steele are meant for each other. Besides, I do a good job of bottling up my residual feelings for her.

As far as marriage advice goes, I don't think I'm qualified to give any since my last wife Paisley was sleeping around and I accidentally killed her by pushing her down the stairs during a vicious struggle for the tv remote. Both Cherish and Steele have been both married before, but this time promises to be different. All the backstabbing, lies, betrayals and stolen babies are entirely things of the past.

If Steele can survive being shot point blank in the chest, like what happened at the end of Season 4, then he'll surely be able to handle marriage. What a cliffhanger that shooting was! We had to wait for three months to find out who did it. Even Cherish was a suspect even though she had temporarily left Port Sunshine on little yacht bound for a summer of self-discovery in Paris. I was kind of worried that Cherish would come back a different person but thankfully that didn't happen.

In Cherish, Steele has found someone who will make not only a good wife but a good mother to his son who was fathered illegitimately with a runaway golddigger from the poor part of town. Steele Jr's real mother Billie-Jo-Lee is actually here today as one of the radiant bridesmaids but the doctors have only given her weeks to live.

At this point, it's customary for the best man's speech to veer into a short history lesson. Interestingly enough on this day, two years ago, Cherish's family home burnt down while the family was celebrating her miraculous remission after a tumour the size of a basketball was found in her brain. When we found what appeared to be her body in the charred wreckage we assumed that was the end of her. Many of you would also have attended her funeral, where I gave a stirring eulogy that was similar to this speech. Needless to say, Cherish escaped alive but it was some months before Steele could reunite with his love because of her temporary amnesia which led her to hide out in a remote log cabin and hook up with a crazy mountain man.

I started planning this speech many months ago, and you must feel like I have been delivering it equally as long, but now it gives me immense pleasure, not to mention relief, to invite you all to stand and raise your glasses in a toast...oh my god...the Moldavians have guns.... everybody on the floor now! Don't shoot! Don't shoot! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

5 Comments:

At 11:21 AM, Anonymous tuppence said...

loved it, as absurd as it sounds, I actually want to watch the show

 
At 5:41 AM, Blogger Scarpediem said...

I've always been of the opinion that Moldavians make terrible wedding guests.

 
At 7:23 AM, Blogger CardboardDreamer said...

Lol. Brilliant. I love your blog!

 
At 10:08 AM, Blogger Burnt Karma said...

The poor, blighted people of Moldavia. They're more gunshy than the Kennedy clan, and can't get a vote at Eurovision either.

 
At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

http://www.playfreegame.info free game, play free game, free online game, free game downloads, free internet game, free yahoo game, play free online game, free casino game, free sex game, free arcade game, free adult game, free kid game, free pc game, free full game download, play free yahoo game online, play sims game online for free, play free online game rpg, free car racing game to play, free game to play and download, free golf game to play online, play free online adventure game, play free yahoo game, play super mario game for free online, play free casino game online, free internet game play http://www.playfreeonlinegame.info play free online game, free online kid game, free online casino game, free online rpg game, free online sex game, computer free game kid online, free online multiplayer game, free yahoo game online, free online adult game, free online shooting game, play free yahoo game online, free online car racing game, free arcade game online, free online adventure game, free online racing game, free online poker game, free disney game online, free online flash game, free online role playing game, free online game site, free online bingo game, free online puzzle game, free online bowling game, free online pool game, free fun online game http://www.soap-making-recipe.net soap opera, soap, soap opera digest, soap central, soap making, soap opera central, cbs soap, abc soap, soap city, natural soap, soap opera update, handmade soap, soap opera spoiler, yahoo tv directory soap opera, soap spoiler, general hospital soap opera, soap digest, soap dish, soap making supply, soap dispenser, yahoo soap, soap zone, passions soap opera, soap opera weekly, liquid soap
http://www.cheap-trip.net
trip advisor, trip, road trip, trip planning, fishing trip, boat trip, trip planner, las vegas trip, fishing trip alaska, cheap trip, game trip, trip hedley, street and trip, rafting trip, ski trip, field trip, honeymoon trip, euro trip, camping trip, trip advisor.com, microsoft street and trip, last minute trip, trip reward, trip hop, road trip planner
cheap-discount-fares.info
cheap fare, family fare, southwest airline fare, fare, best fare, lowest fare, greyhound schedule and fare, low fare, cruise fare, amtrak fare, travel fare, greyhound bus fare, amtrak schedule fare, american airline fare, best airline fare, fare consolidator, low fare flight, bus fare, plane fare, low fare airline, fare chase, air travel fare, lowest air fare, last minute air fare, earth fare
big-lyrics-collection.com
lyric, song lyric, music lyric, high lyric musical school, panic at the disco lyric, a z lyric, az lyric, fall out boy lyric, disney high lyric musical school, lyric search, rent lyric, james blunt lyric, brown chris lyric, rap lyric, dont hip lie lyric, eminem lyric, kelly clarkson lyric, gospel lyric, nickelback lyric, rascal flatts lyric, flatts hurt lyric most rascal, green day lyric, bad day lyric, love lyric, johnny cash lyric
biography-books.info
book, kelly blue book, computer book, audio book, phone book, book store, blue book, buy book online, blankson book samuel, sport book, amazon book, book worm, used book, child book, borders book, comic book, cook book, address book, book club, borders book store, yellow book, sports book, blue book value, book review, book case
cheap-trip.info
travel asia, travel, travel mexico, travel europe, travel south america, travel spain, travel central america, travel france, travel china, travel canada, travel taiwan, travel switzerland, travel germany, travel austria, travel argentina, travel japan, travel italy, travel russia, travel real estate career, air travel, travel brazil, travel portugal, travel holland, world travel, travel guide
free-transunion-credit-report.info
credit report, free credit report, online credit report, free annual credit report, annual credit report, free credit report online, equifax credit report, trans union credit report, credit report score, credit report repair, check credit report, experian credit report, free equifax credit report, business credit report, free credit report .com, fix your credit report, free instant credit report, government free credit report, instant credit report, free credit report and score, personal credit report, canadian credit report, credit report dispute, one time free credit report, free yearly credit report
free-yearly-credit-report.net
credit card, credit, apply online for credit card, credit report, free credit report, apply for a credit card, credit union, home equity line of credit, bad credit, 0 apr credit card, bad credit loan, credit repair, business credit card, credit score, credit card debt, credit counseling, credit card application, online credit card approval, bad credit mortgage, bad credit personal loan, chase credit card, navy federal credit union, credit card processing, low apr credit card, chase.com credit card
mens-neck-ties.net
tie, how to tie a tie, silk tie, neck tie, bow tie, dye tie, hog tie, railroad tie, tie tie, cable tie, neck tie tie, tie up, man tie, simpson strong tie, down tie, tie tying, knot tie, family tie, tie wire, black tie, bow cincinnati tie, instructions tie tie, how to tie a bow tie, tie rack, tie my shoes
rent-dvd-movie.net
dvd player, dvd online, portable dvd player, blank dvd, dvd shrink, dvd movie, dvd rental, dvd burning software, movie dvd video rental, dvd recorder, dvd movie online rental, dvd movie rental, download dvd movie, dvd movie club, burn dvd movie, download free dvd movie, adult dvd movie, copy any dvd movie, new dvd movie release, new dvd movie, buy dvd movie, dvd movie cover, basic dvd instinct movie, netflix dvd movie, copy dvd movie
1freedatingsite.com
dating, dating site, free online dating, online dating, dating services, online dating service, adult dating online, adult dating, free dating, internet dating, christian dating, lds dating, free dating services, adult dating free, match dating, single dating, adult dating services online, dating web site, sex dating, gay dating, black dating, senior dating, free dating site, asian dating, dating personals
4freeonlinedating.com
alternative dating, dating tip for man, adult dating site, dating chat, dating game, christian dating services, dating direct, gay dating site, adult sex dating, dating woman, adult dating personals, adult dating services, international dating, yahoo dating, texas dating, new york dating, dating ads, double your dating, dating guest book, dating idea, chicago dating, dating sims, uk dating, seattle dating, arguing checklist dating
4healthcarejobs.info
health, health insurance, health club, health care, womens health, man health, mental health, health and beauty, united health care, health fitness, health insurance quote, health food, health club gyms, health health, health spa, low cost health insurance, california health insurance, health food vitamin, pet health, mental health services, individual health insurance, health care jobs, texas health insurance, dental health, dog health
4skinrash.info
skin care, mr skin, skin rash, skin treatment, skin care product, skin cancer, facial skin care product, dry skin, anti aging skin care, natural skin care, skin disorder, man skin care product, skin disease, sensitive skin, dry skin care, acne skin care, skin care treatment, skin tag, win amp skin, celebrity skin, xanga skin, skin problem, man skin care, facial skin care, yahoo messenger skin
anti-wrinkle-face-cream.info
cream, wrinkle cream, anal cream pie, progesterone cream, vaginal cream pie, cream pie cathy, teen cream pie, , peach and cream, amateur cream pie, shaving cream, skin cream, eye cream, stretch mark cream, anti wrinkle cream, moms cream, black cream pie, asian cream pie, facial cream, acne creams, interracial cream pie, anti aging skin cream, whip cream, mature cream pie, face cream
best-eye-cream.info
eye glasses, black eye pea, eye, eye of the tiger, pink eye, third eye blind, laser eye surgery, lasik eye surgery, eye doctor, red eye, eye care, bullz eye, eye candy, eye drop, black eye, eye make up, eye contact, queer eye, cotton eye joe, allan eye poke ray video, eye surgery, all seeing eye, eye disease, eye problem, golden eye
bmg-music-club.info
music download, music, free music downloads, music video, yahoo music, free music, music code, dowload music, music site myspace.com, download online music, music video code, aol music, music lyric, downloading music, myspace music, country music, sheet music, myspace music code, madonna music, 50 cent music, live music, free music video, listen to music, music search, music store
chase-master-card.com
master card, chase master card, platinum master card, master card international, bowl card master site spaces.msn.com super, card international master site spaces.msn.com, free and clear master card, card debit master mega reward, master card paypass, mosaik master card, sears master card, prepaid master card, citibank master card, master card super bowl, sears gold master card, capital one master card, master card credit card, card master paypass site spaces.msn.com, citi master card, mbna master card, household bank master card, orchard bank master card, canadian tire master card, visa master card, master card gift card
detroit-free-press.info
detroit news, ford detroit, detroit free press, restaurant detroit, chevrolet detroit, detroit, detroit lion, detroit piston, detroit tiger, used car detroit,
dodge detroit, pontiac detroit, honda detroit, detroit red wings, flight to detroit, toyota detroit, detroit michigan, jeep detroit, bmw detroit, cadillac detroit, gmc detroit, chrysler detroit, detroit mercedes benz, hotel detroit, detroit metro airport
free-anti-virus-download.info
anti virus, anti virus software, symantec anti virus, norton anti virus, free anti virus, avg anti virus, free anti virus download, anti virus download, free anti virus software, panda anti virus, anti virus program, avg anti virus free, free nortons anti virus download, mcafee anti virus, anti virus protection, anti virus solution, anti virus product, yahoo anti virus, anti virus gratuis, norton anti virus 2006, free anti virus software download, norton anti virus download, free nortons anti virus, free norton anti virus, avg anti virus free download
free-bible-study.info
bible, online bible, bible study, bible gateway, bible verse, bible black, holy bible, king james bible, bible commentary, bible scripture, blue letter bible, bible dictionary, audio bible, bible concordance, bible story, bible code, book of the bible, bible quote, bible search, bible lesson plan, woman in the bible, niv bible, bible quiz, bible college, bible coloring pages
hoodia-750.info
hoodia, diet pill, weight loss pill, birth control pill, morning after pill, pill identification, breast enhancement pill, prescription diet pill, breast enlargement pill, phentermine diet pill, pill identifier, hoodia gordonii, abortion pill, diet pill online, sleeping pill, best diet pill, hoodia side effects, fahrenheit diet pill, pain pill, hoodia diet pill, h57 hoodia, pure hoodia, hoodia weight loss, hoodia diet, hoodia patch
onlineuniversitydegreeprogram.net
online university degree,online university degree program,online university,university,university of miami, university of nebraska online, diego san state university, texas tech university, tulane university,university of delaware,university of louisville,university of north carolina,online phoenix university,online degree program,online education degree program,best online degree program
platinum-master-card.info
credit card debt consolidation, travel reward credit card, bad credit credit card, credit card offer, student credit card, accept credit card, secured credit card, uk credit card, low interest credit card, low interest credit card, the best credit card, credit card merchant account, consolidate credit card debt, online credit card, capital one credit card, credit card consolidation, eliminate credit card debt, prepaid credit card, credit card machine, credit card deal, free credit card, credit card company, hsbc credit card, citibank credit card, instant approval credit card
unclaimed-funds.info
mutual funds, american funds, unclaimed funds, exchange traded funds, vanguard funds, oppenheimer funds, best mutual funds, fidelity funds, investment funds, ohio unclaimed funds, electronic funds transfer, janus funds, vanguard mutual funds, money market funds, fidelity mutual funds, top mutual funds, aim funds, college funds, investing in mutual funds, new york unclaimed funds, closed end funds, columbia funds, no load mutual funds, no load funds, franklin funds
games-cheat-sites.com
pc game cheat code , game pro cheat , ps2 game cheat code , free x box game cheat ,play station2 game cheat code , sims game cheat , ps2 game cheat ,online game cheat , play station2 game cheat , pokemon game boy cheat , x box game cheat , play station game cheat , play station game code and cheat , game shark cheat , cheat emerald game hark
yorkuniversity.info
new york university, york university, state university of new york, city university of new york, columbia university new york, university in new york, york university toronto, new york college and university, new york university law school, cornell university new york, york university canada, new york university hospital, pace university new york, fordham university new york, york university book store, university club new york

 

Post a Comment

<< Home