Wednesday, April 5

Stress puppies



No matter how pampered they may seem, celebrity pets pay a hefty price for having it all and it shows in their sad little eyes. Juggling fame, fortune and an owner who weighs less than you is a recipe for chronic stress and related illnesses like an addiction to sniffing cocaine instead of another dog's butt. A survey found that the most common causes of anxiety in dogs are:

1. not being able to catch own tail
2. growing too big for designer dog carrier and thus having to walk
3. being upstaged by the cat next door in terms of owning cute but pointless accessories
4. having a low win percentage on puppywar.com
5. trying to decide between leather pants and cargos




Fortunately help is at hand for your frazzled pets in the form of doga, yoga for dogs. Get started with some basic moves, to be performed in a calm and barkfree environment.

Dog tilt

Standing straight with legs together, lift your hind legs (it's ok to let your master help you) so that your paws point outwards. Hold the pose for at least two or three breaths. Look around quizzically wondering why you aren't urinating at this point.

Puppy pose

Stand erect, resting your weight on two legs instead of the usual four. Bend your knees, showing off your nether regions as you do so. Pause at this point and allow your tongue to loll about gracefully.

Downward facing dog

Climb onto your master and use them to slowly raise your hips into an inverted V shape. Bend your front legs and stretch your body, pushing your ass up towards the sky. Keep your gaze soft and shoulders down, then exhale from ass.

Play dead pose

End your session by lying on your front supported by your master's arms. Your master's hands should be held in a prayer position in front of their chest. Tense and relax the muscles, allowing your paws to fall out to the sides. Try to visualise where you buried that bone and let yourself sink deep to that hidden place. Repeat this mantra to yourself slowly "Must. Not. Hump. Leg.".

3 Comments:

At 9:38 AM, Blogger sfmike said...

Does Doga have anything to do with the Falun Gong? Just asking.

 
At 9:59 AM, Anonymous Susie said...

"...exhale from ass."

Obviously you've been in human yoga class!

Priceless.

 
At 8:56 PM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

I would say that doga is closer in world view to Kabbalah than Falun Gong.

 

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