Tuesday, April 11

We take our fashion very seriously

Forgive me little ones! In trying to keep up with the devastating onslaught of fashion week after fashion week around the world, I allowed my attention to stray from home. Had I known that Vogue was going to do a piece about Haute Hong Kong I would have helped them along a little bit. It's like Fashion Roadkill with designer name-dropping! As it is, the resulting piece belies the spirit of what it means to be fabulously wealthy in Hong Kong. I don't need Vogue to tell me that we take our fashion seriously. Clothes were described inaccurately. People were misquoted. Liberties were taken. But with some skilful editing I've managed to make the world right again.

Fashion lover Mira Yeh explained, "All my life I wanted to own a deranged poodle but the ones in Hong Kong are creepily sane", so she chose to stylistically commemorate the pet that never was. The unique lace effect was created by the jaws of an overeager rottweiler.

Swimwear designer Wendy Hotung had a young Manila cake decorator set his icing gun to Traditional Wedding Cake and work his magic. Her bag is an "Original Sacher-Torte" and her shoes are those dainty petit fours they serve you right at the end of the meal when you are so stuffed and can't positively eat anything more. But the thought that they are factored in the price of your meal somehow forces your stomach to open up a teeny bit so you manage to cram a fistful down like painkillers during a morning hangover and empty the rest into your handbag. Wendy says, "I had five minutes to whisk my outfit together. There was no time for sprinkles".

Actress Josie Ho declared, "Watch out for those foot grills, I nearly burnt my toes off. Do you think if I stand like this Karl Lagerfeld will notice that one leg is shorter than the other? Although I come from money I am trying to act like I don't really belong here and that I find wearing Chanel to be a somewhat awkward experience because I'm an actress and that's what actresses do. Act and wear Chanel."

Fanny Sieh, known as the "ball queen of Hong Kong" chose a dress that has been worn several times over but with a wider slit to expose that most klassy of cleavages, côté cleavage (or side cleavage to laymen):

"To go to a Chanel show, one must err on the side of Drew Barrymore."

For the Alexander McQueen fashion show at the legendary Joyce boutique, starlet Hilary Tsui eschewed her hairbrush. Her shoes are expensive and too big for her but she likes to think it's because she lost a lot of weight through doing that krumping thing Madonna does in her music videos.

Joyce shopper Venice Chan spent a lot of money on shiny stuff from Dior but didn't actually try any of it on beforehand, hence what you see above. Her daughter Orange is loathful of her name and equally loathful of being made to wear an orange tank top but no matter how hard she tries, can't resent the fact that she can use "Michael Kors", "Chloe" and "Pucci" in the same sentence to describe the rest of her outfit.


At 5:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

i read the article a couple of days ago,and i wasn't quite sure if it was a joke...
i like your version much better!


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