Wednesday, May 31

When going au naturel is not an option

For many ladies, receiving their first invite to an event sponsored by a men's magazine can be rather daunting. How does one dress so that they don't appear to be the wrong type, the type who never ever get invited to these things? What a lucky dilemma to be in! I would love to answer that "anything goes" when it comes to these type of events but that would be incredibly misleading. Oh if only things were so simple as they are with the guys!

There are in fact, some unwritten rules that you won't necessarily find in the fashion magazines, being so obsessed with churning out highbrow advertorials as they are. Because this blog cares about highbrow, middlebrow, lowbrow and even lowerbrow in equal measure, here are some pointers for the novice b-list partygoer.

As Jodie demonstrates, there is a way of holding it all together without resorting to duct tape. A desirable body shape is achieved through judicious use of a leather bustier, keeping everything as safe as two piping hot rolls snugly ensconced in a breadbasket.

If you're going in a group, you might want to think hard about matching tight clothing. Unlike other occasions, there is no shame in being seen in a similar outfit because the guys are going to assume that you all think and talk alike anyway and share the same lesbian tendencies when inebriated.

In the old days people would frown upon wearing casual clothing in the presence of photographers, but we have evolved to a point where we are more tolerant about red carpet dress codes and the notion of Bai Ling as a celebrity. Denim is acceptable as long as it's buttoned up and secured with a belt.

Of course some traditionalists still prefer to stick with a smart pantsuit. These suits come insured against unexpected heaving in case the single button pops open with such ferocity that it becomes embedded in someone's eye socket, leaving only one eye free to ogle the goods on display.

If the bit between your breasts and crotch is the most attractive part of you, then by all means play up that part of your body. At the same time you can play down your bust with some bad hair extensions.

Bold prints can make for an eye-catching ensemble and help you stand out from the crowd. Don't be shy, when mixed in with simple clean lines, it can make for a very figure flattering style.

Finally, you really can't go wrong with classic black. But be sure to give it an eclectic feel by mixing it up - implausibly spherical breasts, metallic gold glistening against bare skin and my personal favourite, cameltoe.

Another blog to visit: Flaurella - I own a tiara and I am not afraid to use it


At 12:13 AM, Blogger Drops Of Jupiter said...

My eyes! My eyes! arrrrrgghh

At 12:31 AM, Anonymous Leah said...

Holy breastses....

At 4:43 AM, Blogger Chief-Ten-Bears said...

Hm, smells fishy in here and it's not the hors d'oeuvres.

At 5:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

omfg! my eyes! they burn! they burn!


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