Monday, February 21

Hit me with some modesty



Oh man, modesty is so hot right now. So hot. That's gotta hurt people like Samantha Cole. Maybe she'll just burkha herself into oblivion.

It's convenient to graze on mass market fashion fodder with the rest of the sheep but consider this. An off the rack prude will never attain the same levels of self-righteousness than a bespoke prude. You know you're in good, decent hands with Lydia of Purple. Bookmark the site, wouldn't want your wrist to explode by typing it all out.

Lydia of Purple specialises in "custom sewn garments for homeschooling mothers that homeschool their young ladies and girls in modest dress". Niche operations like this cannot be beaten for quality and value for money. Of course there's the small matter of having to be a Christian to wear Lydia of Purple's creations. Any other religion just wouldn't go with what you're wearing:
Our truly custom sewing in combination with the fabric of your dreams in the color that enhances your natural God given beauty, you can radiate God's creation framing your reflection of God's only Son and that LOVE only HE our Saviour can give.

Her catalogue features swimwear, aprons, pantaloons, Cherokee tear dresses, maternity wear, nightgowns...can a Victoria's Secret catalogue offer even one-tenth of that? No, because they spend all the time and money on trying to make Tyra Banks look vaguely human.

Don't even think about trying to slip some two-bit piece of tricked up harlotry past Lydia of Purple. Because if cleanliess was next to godliness then sluttiness would be away over there ---> next to the guy with horns and a pitchfork:
we DO NOT sew: sleeveless, slit skirts, mid-rifts, low cut neck lines, or low backs. We apologize if this offends anyone but our goal is to help both ladies and men keep from inciting lasciviousness (wrong lusts). We view this as a sewing ministry and only want to plant good seeds.

Anything else you can have, even a dress of cetacean fabric that's shaped like a cetacean:
This cape dress was made for a young lady who wanted a waist on the hips. She also likes killer whales and wanted her dress made of them.

Lydia of Purple also offers more sizes than Starbucks:
As of 2004 we now sew Large, Plus, Majestic Size, Full Figure and Hard-To-Fit, which Sizes are hard to find also.

Match your daughters to their dolls or match yourself to your daughter, while waiting to marry them off:
We like some of you have daughters....still living at home waiting for God to supply a Godly young man as a life-mate

Who is Lydia of Purple? Who is the lady who deftly weaves such patterns of strict propriety? Why excuse the cussin' but she's the best darn seamstress this side of tarnation! Tailoring prowess aside, she's just like you and me but with slightly more progeny:
Out of ignorance to God's word we used "the pill" closing the womb for eight years after our first child. Then by Bible reading Christ came into our lives and we submitted to God's will; allowing HIM total control of family planning thereafter. God graciously gave us eight more children.

Get thee down to the gentle whirring of sewing machines cloistered at Lydia of Purple. Your cape dress awaits you, virtuous maidens! Glasses not included.

27 Comments:

At 12:25 AM, Blogger smudgi3 said...

Oh.My.God.

 
At 2:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

By all that's good and holy, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

 
At 4:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

am i the only one who now wants to write to the purple clothes woman and berate her for shamefully allowing impressional young girls to BARE their WRISTS and ELBOWS? in the sight of the Lord? disgraceful.

 
At 5:51 AM, Blogger michelle said...

goodness....
they also sell "ladies home birthing wear".... i suppose it its different from non-home birthing wear?

 
At 7:26 AM, Blogger mnkymelbourne said...

they also have a very lovely range of chastity (has the word tity in it hee hee) belts and restraining devices for young men so they do not give in to self mutilation desires - I can see designs like these very soon in Milan and Paris (Milan and Paris in Texas that is)

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger cicelyfairfield said...

it's anne sullivan, the miracle worker! valiantly she tries to clothe girls who dress like they're blind and act like they can't hear you.

 
At 12:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Not all homeschoolers are like that. Some of us can spel, use proper punctuation mark's and Capitalization; cut our hair, and dress like harlots. Really. Please, judge us not by Lydia.

 
At 9:05 PM, Blogger j-a said...

so weird. very very weird.

 
At 9:21 PM, Blogger Manolo said...

Manolo says, and all of this time the Manolo he thought that the Amish they made their own clothes.

Muchos Besos!

Manolo

P.S. You are indeed super fantastic!

 
At 3:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No worries, (prior)anonymous, we're with you here. I'm homeschooling my little boy and I haven't made him wear a cape dress or pantaloons yet.

 
At 9:57 AM, Blogger Spirit Fingers said...

Thank you Manolo! You have such a way with words.

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger evangeline said...

omg.....-scrubs eyes out-
i'm a christan, but i don't dress like that >_>

 
At 11:19 AM, Anonymous Shinyfluff said...

That was terrifying.

 
At 6:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would love to see a blog that pokes some fun at the girls and women that let their tits hang out for all to see and wear hip huggers so low that the crack of their but leaves nothing to be desired. But I suppose that would be "to politically incorrect" Don't kid yourselves, I live in the middle of plain people country (Amish, mennonites, etc.) Real men actually find long hair and modesty attractive. If you get your milk for free, then why buy it?

 
At 5:22 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Aren't you pathetic? You have to surf around the Internet looking for people to ridicule - oh, and you commit copyright infringement to do so.

Let's get this straight - I'm not a Christian, and I despise many of the things done in this world in the name of Christianity, particularly fundamentalist Christianity, but whenever I hear or see people who think they are so cool ridiculing how other people choose to dress, particularly when they are dressing from their own convictions, I see red.

The women of all faiths who choose to dress in ways considered modest, or at least in ways that are contrary to current notions of fashion, have more guts than you ever will have, because they don't let some so-called "fashion designer" dictate what they're going to wear. Most of the garbage that is put out in the name of fashion these days is nothing more than an attempt to get by with as little fabric as possible for the highest price possible, and nothing more. All the "designers" laugh all the way to the bank - you seldom see photos of any of them wearing the ridiculous garbage they "create". They leave that for the dummies who are willing to pay big bucks for a few inches of fabric and who think that they look really hip when they really look like asses - a bunch of identical asses coming off an assembly line that dresses women in hideous clothing.

Say it all together now, fashion-savvy girls - "I am an individual! I dress like every other little fool who buys the drek marketed in the mall! Millions of other gullible idiots wear the same ugly clothes that I do! I am unique! I am soooo cooool!"

Why don't you dedicate the time you spend looking for things to ridicule on the Internet doing something that might make a difference in the world - or is that just too uncool for you?

BTW, if you wear hipster jeans, ask a friend to take a video of you walking from behind while you wear the silly things. If you are built like 99% of women, you will be absolutely humiliated when you see your rear view and you'll never put the stupid things on again - if you have any gumption at all and can bear not to dress like the rest of the sheep.

Don't jeer at others' ability to dress according to their lights until you can consider yourself to be someone with independent thought who doesn't just accept whatever horrors the fashion designers have come up with this year.

 
At 12:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think that 5:22 am anonymous said it all! hahaha That was a very good point of view!!!
I am a HOMESCHOOL MOM of 11 children. I have convictions that I have the guts to follow, inspite of people like you who will come up to me, infront of my children, at a store,and give me their hateful vindictive opinion about the number of children I have or the way I dress. It is sad to say that 30 years from now, you will not have a crowd of children and grandchildren, and great-grandchildren who gather around you and express gratitude for a commited life for them. And yes,my sons, which are many, are manly, young,straping, handsome,heterosexuals... and looking for the type of women you ridicule. I am blessed. I feel sorry for people like you.

 
At 4:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was out a few years ago on a hot summer day and saw a woman wearing a little tank top and the tightest, shortest shorts I ever beheld. She was my age, 40 something and also had a post childbearing figure. She looked horrendous, yet no one seemed to notice her.

I wear modest, ankle length, old fashioned dresses and I get stared at like a freak when I go out and about. Give me a break! I'm decently covered and people act like I'm a nut.

I would personally like to recomment The King's Daughters which is where I shop. Find them at thekingsdaughters.com

 
At 10:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow... people actually dress like this still? I mean, it's cute for little girls. But really, there are other ways to cover your skin.

I wouldn't call myself a slut, but I don't mind the occasional 'lust inducing' outfit. What's wrong with a sweater or jeans?

I do agree that after a certain age, you can't go about in tiny clothing, but there are ways to flatter your figure without disguising it in a sack.

 
At 6:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't you have better things to do? I actually found this while looking for Lydia's website. Maybe I wouldn't go as far as they do, but I believe there is still something to be said for modesty.

 
At 7:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

modest Christian = self-righteous? Not necessarily. Maybe you
need to get out more?

 
At 4:37 AM, Blogger mrsgrovine said...

i think lydia of purple is creative and enterprising. so her url is too long. it is hard for older people to figure out all this internet stuff. (just ask me!). she probably just wanted people to know just what kind of clothing she is selling, so there would be no misunderstanding. yes, some of the clothing is eccentric, but she has the courage to be different. there is something to be said for modesty, too.

 
At 4:42 AM, Blogger mrsgrovine said...

we women have made ourselves ridiculous wit immodest clothing. i had my children in a parochial school one year. every day, three thong-wearing moms would drop their children off and stay for the morning outdoor assembly. the moms each wore tights with a thong exercise suit over them. every morning, there would be dads who also stayed for the assembly. they would always stand behind these thong-wearing moms and skicker. the men didn't even consider it sexy.

 
At 4:45 AM, Blogger mrsgrovine said...

see what i mean about being to old to figure out internet stuff? i can't even spell "snicker" right!

 
At 1:30 PM, Blogger raag said...

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At 9:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Its hard to find clothing that dosent make you dress like a man for an example jeans. I wear skirts all the time but I still find ways that I am still dressing to much like a man we are suposto seperate women from men not dress like them. And a lot of people folow the lord and are really happy to have a purpous and not float around doing as you please. I would wear cape dresses out in public if my husband wanted me to. I also cover my head head when I pray and I see that as a sign of obedience to my husband and lord. And I may be old fashioned but I am still a teenager. And standing out againts dressing in tight and way too revealing clothes.

 
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