Friday, June 9

The dating game

After stalking your not-so-secret crush for several months and writing your phone number on the back of his hand with a tattoo gun, you might find yourself being asked out on a date by him. But that's just the beginning and those first few dates can make or break a relationship. You don't want to stuff it up by sending out the wrong signals through inappropriate clothing. Being somewhat of a relationship guru, I can spare you the agony of going through one of those silly wardrobe montages you see so often in the movies.

First date
First impressions are everything. This is how the winners of most reality contests are decided. You want to make sure it looks like you put some effort into looking nice for him but at the same time you don't want to scare him off by being too intense. The best thing to do is to keep things light (in colour), breezy (very little fabric) and fun (no bra).

Second date
Most people think that this is better worn on the first date but then those people are golddiggers. It is only on the second date when you should broach the subject of what other things he can buy you besides dinner. The message on this t-shirt actually works both ways because it shows that you don't condone wallowing in debt as a means to support your lavish lifestyle.

Third date
Wow, third date already. Are you sure he isn't feeling a little stifled? You might want to set a few parameters regarding exclusivity. It will be a relief to him to know that you're serious about being his girl at some point in the future but in the meantime it's also ok for him to bring back other harem slave girls to his perfumed den of iniquity.

Fourth date
Things are really hotting up now that it's ok for him to hold your hand in public. But if you want to be touched in other places, you'll need to convey that desire through a tactile fabric like crushed velour.

Fifth date
Before you take the relationship to the next level, now would be a good time to be perfectly honest with each other. He might not mind that you've been around the block more times than a noisy ice cream van but this dress says that maybe you should both wait a little longer, at least until the yeast infection clears up.

Sixth date
OK this is it! See how this convertible halter top can be manipulated into a variety of different positions to make everything seem 3 times tartier than they actually are? From here on end this versatility and inherent shamelessness is what's going to get you through the rest of the relationship, or at least until the very next morning.

Reader experiences are welcomed so that we might learn to improve our courtship signals. Did your well-planned outfit lead you on the path to blissful love? If you could turn back time to the one that got away, would you have worn things differently?

Another blog to visit: My Wardrobe Today - It takes so long to figure out what to wear most days, I might as well journal it!


At 2:31 PM, Anonymous jenny said...

Klassy. With a capital "k."

At 7:30 PM, Blogger Dilly Dilly said...

Thank you for the props!!

At 9:21 PM, Blogger hellomelissa said...

this reminds me of sorority rush time at university of michigan a multitude of years ago. they sent pamphlets around to the dorms illustrating attire appropriate for the first round of parties all the way through to the end-- whatever that was. it almost made me vomit.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Blandwagon said...

The neckline of the first dress is a masterpiece of sledgehammer semiotics. It just cuts to the very heart of the outfit's message.

At 7:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

A truly seminal article.


At 5:57 AM, Blogger Philip said...

BTW that was a badass post. Thanks for putting that up. I laughed my ass off. I even had to post a link to it on my site, except I couldn't find the permalink.

Have a great one and don't get none on ya!

At 11:36 PM, Blogger Drops Of Jupiter said...

Whoa! that convertible top...the possibilities are endless..endless I say!!


At 5:48 PM, Blogger steller said...

i went to a date with this guy from wealthymen dot com.. for fun he brought me to a boutique and made me wear anything i want to.. so i did this mini fashion show, had fun but i just salivated at all the stuff i wore.. the next morning came boxes of purchased stuff i tried on at the boutique.. apparently i need not to wear the day 2 shirt to prove his wealth..

At 3:08 PM, Blogger dianne_lone said...

Thanks for the tip! Tonight I'm going out with a guy I met in webdatedotcom. Wish me luck!

At 11:46 PM, Blogger Lara said...

Great blog! Loved the costumes. Will keep that in mind.

Come read my blog sometimes. It's all about my weird dating life :)

At 12:42 PM, Blogger forsoothsayer said...

i seriously like that halter! i have a desperate weakness for garments that can be worn different ways. rest assure, i would only wear it within proximity to the beach.

At 10:49 AM, Blogger Future7111 said...



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