Monday, September 11

You Like, You Buy Vol 47

Hey there new parents, one day your precious bundle of joy is going to grow up, fly the roost and get married. If you let the years fritter away, you will have naught when it comes time to drag out the embarrassing baby pictures at family reunions and at the obligatory wedding powerpoint slideshow. Or if you were smart, you would have lugged baby and sundry down to for a gloriously tacky photo shoot that will still retain its tackiness in years to come.

If your family line has a genetic disposition to excessively large and protruding ears you can tempt fate with a set of Dumbo ears. Then when your kid does end up having a miserable childhood being taunted mercilessly by schoolmates for the size of their ears, oh how we will laugh and nod at your remarkable foresight.

Even if your baby is blessed with perfect features, you can still pay extra to manipulate the camera angles. What are parents for if not to trick everyone else into thinking that their kid is a giant foreheaded freak of nature.

Here is the obligatory invasion of privacy shot that should put your child off using public lavatories for life.

Customers who opt for the platinum package gain access to a higher quality designer wardrobe. These special pieces are sourced from drag queen gear supplier and Sex and the City stylist Patricia Field.

The reality is that many babies remain unimpressed by the remarkable work of Anne Geddes. Some roll their eyes and sigh loudly, some curl their lips condescendingly, but the well behaved ones just shut their mouths really tightly to keep the bile from flowing out.

This is a great way to freak out children, much better than the taking away a lollipop technique. Dress them up in bright red and yellow and give them a long-handled implement to hold. They will think that they are in for a lifetime of flipping burgers at McDonald's.

So don't waste anytime and hurtle your perambulator in the direction of Just one more tip for the uninitiated - despite what people may tell you, nobody ever likes the bee costume.

Next update: Wednesday 13 September


At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Hello Kitty said...

Outstanding, we just got a baby daugther, so I can't wait to show you post to my wife :)

At 7:08 PM, Anonymous Allison said...

Don't they all just look so cute, unfortunately my daugther who is now 12 would have looked adorable in them at that age.


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