Getting a foot in the door

Tips on how to get past first round interviews for extremely competitive jobs


Well if you want to convince your prospective employer that you are capable of superhuman feats of productivity, then you need to start dressing more like a superhero. For example, my real name is Kathy but when I apply for jobs I go by the name Super-Retro-Sexy-Pantihose Girl. I also make sure that my cape is long to create aerodynamic lift but short enough to show off my ass. Make that my superhuman ass.


Recently I applied for a position at a very prestigious airline. I wanted to present the image of the ideal flight attendant so I tied a scarf neatly around my neck, secured my bust and displayed my flesh pockets. I got an offer but didn't end up taking it because I would have been expected to keep my navel covered up at all times during the flight. I don't keep it immaculately groomed for nothing you know!


I'm all about first impressions so I craft my own clothes to wear. I find that if my outfit is really stiff and paperlike then it makes it harder for me to let down my guard and say something uncalled for. The last thing I want to do is freak the interviewer out.


I prefer to do my interviews standing up because cheap vinyl doesn't bend that easily. But I usually end up missing my interview appointments anyway because I tend to underestimate the time needed to put on a pair of boots.


Nowadays you can't just coast by on good looks and strategically placed bits of pink fabric. You have to bring extra skills to the table. Like, in this instance the fortitude and foresight to put giant lovehearts on an otherwise mundane headset.


One very important thing I learnt is never ever dress up like how your boyfriend demands in the bedroom. Unless he is the one interviewing you of course.

Next update: Wednesday 27 September