Friday, October 21

Just pick two already

The Chinese government doesn't want to admit it, but the panda scene is kind of all played out. San Diego, Mexico City, Bangkok, I tell you they're everywhere. Talk about overexposure. All we need now is for one of them to be photographed on a hotel balcony with Jennifer Aniston straddling it. PANDISTON!

Now it seems that Taiwan will also be getting their own set but it's not as easy as going to the nearest panda reserve and saying "have those two washed and brought to my bamboo grove". There are resumes to be reviewed and shortlists to be drawn up. Not to mention the performance-based interviews to identify core competencies and skills. All this to figure out which ones are best suited for the job of eating, sleeping and veeery occasionally having sex.

I guess if Croatia can have its own Sheep Idol, then China is more than qualified to hold its own Panda Idol. The finalists would look a little something like this:

Do you have what it takes to be China's most adorable panda?!?!? Winner gets an all expenses paid trip to beautiful Taiwan and loads of unwarranted media attention!!!! We guarantee that your 15 minutes will last for about 20 minutes!!
*silence interspersed with sounds of bamboo munching*

You'd think some high-ranking party official would have figured out by now that there are over 1.3 billion Chinese and you can charge them $1 a minute to vote by SMS or phone.

Another blog to visit: If it's on teh interweb it must be true - pics that don't make it onto this blog.

Thursday, October 20

More alike than you think

It's been five years since Jennifer Love Hewitt played Audrey Hepburn in a biographic made for TV movie but many people still scratch their heads on a daily basis over that particular casting decision.

Well, my trusty band of researchers has unearthed a number of amazing correlations between the two actresses that will shake you to your very core. The similarities are even more compelling than those drawn between the Lincoln and Kennedy assassinations.

Hewitt and Hepburn both start with a "H". So does the word "Hollywood". There are several other things starting with H that relate to Audrey such as Hubert de Givenchy, Holly Golightly and Henry Higgins. Similarly with Jennifer, there is the movie "Heartbreakers", the music video "Hero" with Enrique Iglesias and all the Horny Frat Boys who form her main fanbase.

Audrey was born in 1929 and Jennifer was born 50 years later in 1979. 50 is a nice round number. In 1945, Holland was liberated from Nazi occupation, allowing Audrey to emerge from hiding. Fifty years later, Jennifer experiences a personal liberation through the release of her American debut album, "Let's Go Bang".

Jennifer's new tv show is called Ghost Whisperer - it's about a newlywed who can communicate with GHOSTS. Audrey passed away in 1993 so the only way she can make new movies/shows is as a GHOST.

Jennifer's mother is Italian while her father is German. Audrey's mum and dad were English and Dutch respectively. That puts their family roots in roughly in the same geographical region!

Audrey's signature chic is epitomised in the little black dress. Jennifer has also been known to wear a little black dress to stylish effect.

Audrey has been nominated FIVE times for an Academy Award (and won once). While Jennifer has yet to be nominated, get this, she got her big break while playing Sarah Reeves in Party of FIVE. Last time we checked, both actresses also had five fingers on each hand.

You may recall that CAT, Holly Golightly's feline friend played a big part in "Breakfast at Tiffany's". Jennifer also shared screentime with an almost realistic big ginger TOMCAT in "Garfield". It's also rumoured both cats chose to appear in these movies based on the choice of the lead actress.

Jennifer has been photographed extensively for that arbiter of klass, MAXIM Magazine. MAXIM'S is also the name of a legendary restaurant in Paris, a city which Audrey is often associated with.

Jennifer has been romantically linked in the past to musician John Mayer. John Mayer has a FUNNY FACE.

Audrey shared her surname with another great actress, Katherine Hepburn, who was also viewed by many as having a superior acting range to Audrey. Jennifer shares her surname with Australian tennis player Lleyton Hewitt. He is also widely considered to be better than Jennifer at acting out his emotions.

Audrey has a website dedicated to helping impoverished children. Jennifer has at least one fansite dedicated to her breasts. Breasts, when filled with milk, can be used to nurture impoverished infants.

Are all of the above just mere coincidence? I think not. There are deeper forces at work here.

Another blog to visit: Jellyfish Online - because some thoughts are just too genius to keep to yourself

Wednesday, October 19

The pursuit of active luxury

Escada Sport. Words that don't sit well together, like Rocky and IV. Who even wears Escada anymore, apart from the odd European noblewoman? I'm all for this concept of "active luxury" (which I guess means something about summers in St Tropez and winters in Aspen) but I thought most boots were pretty self-explanatory.

If anything the label should be on this pair so you don't exactly try to shove your feet into your pet chow chow instead.

This season's collection is another confusing morass of colours, fur and sometimes fabric aimed at the "Daddy buy me a pony which I can carry under my arm like a Fendi baguette" set. For example, I find nothing sporty about a woman in a neck cast. Look, her traumatic sports injury has even caused her to lose basic wardrobe coordination skills.

Perhaps this handbag doubles as earmuffs to be worn while hunting animals to make more earmuffs.

I think I saw a European art film like this once. It ended on a positive note with the Swedish lesbian cowgirl sisters reclaiming their family ranch and throwing an apres-ski orgy to celebrate. - go on and check out how the other half live.

Another blog to visit: Adventures of the pocket boy lunchbox - knowing life isn't perfect is no reason not to pretend it is

Tuesday, October 18

Underpants fun run

Run for your lives, it's an angry mob of locals who were ripped off by an elaborate strip poker scam. Actually it's the ninth annual Underpants fun run. Nothing this exciting EVER happens in Hong Kong. I have yet to see tighty whities on the street but maybe I am hanging out at all the wrong places or I go home too early every night.

If we had one in Hong Kong, do you think the event would get as packed as this? There's so much happening I don't know where to look.

As with any other occasion, it is always better for the ladies to overdress than to appear too casual. Next time, go high-waisted with Michael Kors and maybe accessorise with a brown belt.

Guys, I recommend you put away that uncomfortable self-awareness and slip into some Hung underwear (

Finally, don't forget to incorporate a warm-up and cool down in your routine. That is what baggy fishnet pants are for.

Update! Paris Hilton wears underpants too!

But sometimes even the sturdiest underwear cannot prevent one's true colours from seeping through.

Another blog to visit: A Discombobulated Mia -Still discombobulated, still Mia. Wondering if the grass is really greener on the other side of the fence or does it just look that way.

Monday, October 17

Fashion Roadkill of the Day: Vol 39

Look how far Hugh Hefner's seed has spread. While there aren't too many people with manmade grottoes and strutting peacocks in their homes over here, the Playboy lifestyle is well and truly alive in Hong Kong. Just who are the consumers of this iconic brand? Statuesque and slender women who suffer from excruciating back pain due to their buxom frames? More like the adolescent children of these women.

Ah the sweet innocence and charm of childhood ambition. I mean, who hasn't dreamt at one time or another of serving up cocktails in a bunny costume while "studying to be an actress" or being married to the least popular cast member of "Beverly Hills 90210".

I expect to see more jailbait chic on the streets as we'll soon be getting our very own Playboy Concept Boutique. If I had a daughter of less than marriageable age, would I be making sure she had enough money to buy a pink cotton bunnyhead tank top with matching shorts and socks? No sirree. The only rabbit that she'll be allowed to carry around will be unquestionably unsexy.