Urbi et Orbi

Greetings devoted followers, your Pope has something to impart to you. This is my first Christmas message so it's important that I bring enough gravitas and pious wit to make it an inspirational one. Allow me to start with a stern but fatherly rebuke about how so many of you have succumbed to consumerism during this most holy of seasons. Do you really need a bigger, more Hi-Def plasma TV when I look just as good on your old one? More importantly, must you spend money on poor quality and ill-fitting garments that come in dodgy colours just because they're 50% off?

Even a man of God understands the importance of good tailoring and sophisticated style. You may have heard the whispering in the cloisters about me being the most. stylish. pope. ever. Could be, could be. Only time will tell whether my outfits will hold up well or end up looking dated & tacky. In the meantime let's take a look at what I will be wearing this winter when I'm off-duty.

Giorgio Armani

Perfect for the Italian opera season. Fitted tuxedos are no fun when you have to sit through several acts. With this piece of sartorial genius by Armani, I can just kick back in my box seat and relax to tales of violence and tragedy.

Missoni

Trust Missoni to revive the poncho in the quirkiest way possible. This one time, I hid a pair of water pistols underneath and caught a group of cardinals by surprise. Almost gave one of them a heart attack when I sprang out from a pillar and started firing. I can only imagine how awesome it would have looked in bullet time.

Gucci

This Gucci nightrobe is simply divine. I've already worn it to confession a few times. When things start to drag on and get tedious, I can admire the loveliness of the brocade detailing instead.

Versace

Can't say I've been a big fan of Donatella since she sold her soul to you-know-who. But I try to give her a shoutout now and then, in the hope that she'll return to the light side. So if you're looking for a bit of colour consider this interesting palette. But please, spare me the purple papal leader jokes.

Dolce & Gabbana

Fortunately the Vatican's policy on homosexuals doesn't extend to fashion designed by homosexuals. Otherwise I might be forced to wear *shudder* mass-market clothing. I totally support the part about "don we now our gay apparel" especially if it involves a Dolce & Gabbana suit.

Prada

Each new Prada collection fills my heart with gladness and joy! The hat, the scarf, the pants, the man boobs - love love loving it! Miuccia Prada is...hmmm what word am I allowed to use here...not idol..definitely not goddess...I know! She's a living saint! Somebody canonise that woman pronto!

Dsquared

Check out what I'll be wearing on Christmas morning. Cute, huh? That is so me!

Roberto Cavalli

When it comes to stylish clubwear you can't go wrong with Roberto Cavalli. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about. After all, what's a pope to do once midnight mass is over? Grab his manbag and p-a-r-t-y, that's what.

Another blog to visit: The Scarlett Letters - I'm a Main Line Philadelphia mom and I like fashion, food, film, fiction and facepaint (the kind you get at Sephora or Saks, not the kind you wear to a stadium). I've got opinions served up with a side order of sass. Now, get your hair out of your eyes because I want to see your pretty face.

Christmas in Korea: a multidomain affair

Oh those South Korean farmers, what lovable scamps they are! So what if they caused a bit of a ruckus here last week - the experience will serve as a useful practice drill for the mad frenzy that will inevitably erupt when Kenny G is next in town. In the spirit of the season, let's just release the demonstrators because (a) it sucks to be in prison on Xmas day and (b) it sucks even more to miss out on celebrating a Korean Xmas.

As an Asian country with a strong Christian base, South Korea really pulls out all the stops for this particular holiday. What they've done this year is to mount a full-scale all-domain assault to ensure that nobody remains bereft of Christmas cheer.

LAND

Finally, those opposable thumbs are good for something! Honestly, with the right whiskery accoutrements, I don't think the kids will even notice the difference. It's like having one's very own Bad Santa.


For one thing, Santa Orangutan knows how to crap in its hands and hand it over to distressed-looking children instead of wildly flinging it about. I don't know if I could say the same about Billy-Bob Thornton.

AIR

If the sky suddenly darkens overhead, don't be alarmed. It's just a tight formation of Santas performing aerial manouevres. They also perform loads of Jackass-style stunts like releasing the safety harness and diving headfirst into chimneys.

WATER


Water-based operations are always the trickiest, which is why Santa has to import flaxen-haired elven maidens for the task. They do a whole lot more than filling out their bikini tops and slowly massaging each other with suntan lotion. A pool party involving a Korean BBQ buffet and free-flowing booze, hot tub poker games and free towel service doesn't just run itself you know.



Another blog to visit: HKMacs - A fountain of knowledge for all things Macintosh, liberally sprinkled with cynical, politically-incorrect observations on politics and life in general and garnished with Mrs HKMacs delicious recipes

Urban hypothermia is on the way out

Tsk tsk tsk. Young girls playing risky games with their kidneys. We're talking about IV drips here, ladies! Sure he'll bring you back his place when you're all hot and skimpy, but he won't respect you enough in the morning to call an ambulance for you. This season staying warm and dry is "in" and urban hypothermia is "out". More things you need to know about this trend:


OUT: loud gaudy tops that bare a good portion of the torso
IN: simplistic coats that give a teasing glimpse of what lies beneath


OUT: Camel toe inducing hotpants with bare legs
IN: Sturdy leather short shorts with the tallest boots you can find


OUT: Floral ballerina dresses with necklines designed for crooked boob jobs. Minimal accessories.
IN: Floral ballerina dresses which cover up cosmetic surgery malpractice. Overaccessorizing.


OUT: Flimsy plastic raincoats that provide little warmth or cover
IN: Thick and vibrant wool ponchos that overwhelm your personal space


OUT: Cleavage-baring dresses cut down to there
IN: High-necked sweaters that have excellent stretch

This has been a public service announcement.

Another blog to visit: Preludes and Nocturnes - Seeing as this whole Thesis-Writing-Fiasco continues, I'd like a little bit of my own writing somewhere. This will also serve as a great early warning system for when I'm about to throw my computer off the grad office balcony.

Bargains galore

When I first came across the Lerner Catalog (www.lernercatalog.com) I was pleasantly surprised. I had not, in my wildest dreams, imagined fashion like that would be considered a viable business opportunity outside Hong Kong and at such bargain-basement prices. It's not a sale, they're practically giving it away! For a mere pittance, now you can be clothed for every day of the week.

MONDAY

Double breasted column skirt suit - Was $49.99, NOW $39.99!
Start the week off looking serious and corporatey. You're known for being organised and efficient. Most of all you're known for being flexible - so flexible that you can stretch your body out like a Marvel Comics superhero! That must have been some cosmic radiation coming off the photocopier.

TUESDAY

Button-front blazer - Was $89.99, NOW $79.99!
Bandless waist pants - Was $79.99, NOW $74.99!
What a classic B&W combination! The blazer and pants go together like those handbags go with your ears. I love it when real clothing can artfully resemble body-painted clothing.

WEDNESDAY

Silk blend cardigan sweater - Was $39.99, NOW $19.99!
Cropped trousers - Was $39.99, NOW $24.99!
Damn central heating always goes wonky in the middle of the week, which is why you need the extra warmth provided by adhesive roadkill critters. The fur trouser cuffs are detachable in case you want to avoid the inevitable nipping at your legs when you walk down the street.

THURSDAY

Skirt with front-zip pockets - was $59.99, NOW $54.99!
Coordinating tall boots - was $59.99, NOW $54.99!
Tuesday's outfit was such a hit that it begs a repeat performance. This time, wear the skirt and let the boots cover the rest. Don't let those judgmental office shrews make disapproving clucking noises over the size of your scallop hem. If it's good enough for you, it's far too good for them.

FRIDAY

Denim & Lace Pant Set - Was $59.99, NOW $24.99!
Get that nonchalant head toss ready for Dress-down Friday! Some workplaces don't allow jeans but technically speaking, these aren't even jeans. It's a "denim & lace pant set" as you can see. If that argument fails to convince, the old "but my grandmother made this for me" excuse should work.

SATURDAY

Ribbed cotton sweater - $29.99 (any cheaper and you'd be falling out of it)
Tie-dyed jeans - was $29.99, NOW $12.99!
You've been dying all week to wear those new tie-dyed jeans. No matter how many times you mix your colours in the wash, you will never achieve such a splendid effect. Pair it with your "somebody buy me a drink" top for optimal results. If you catch pneumonia, you still have Sunday to recover!

SUNDAY

Opulent brocade pants - Was $29.99, NOW $12.99!
Suede metallic blazer - Was $59.99, NOW $49.99!
There's always a wedding to attend on Sunday. Show up the bride with this eyecatching ensemble. Everybody else will be too busy checking you out for interior decorating ideas. That'll teach the happy couple to disturb you on your day of rest.

Another blog to visit: Stereotte - rock and roll, crafty stuff and whatever else comes to mind

Fashion Roadkill of the Day: Vol 43

Some people have a kind of love/hate relationship with denim. They love to be seen in denim but can't bear to wear it in its natural state. Plain denim is the height of blandness. It's like..like...a juicy holiday turkey without all the trimmings!

Well thank god for the abundance of embroidery seamstresses in Hong Kong. I think she looks rather embellished, don't you?



If gold-coloured lace is not your thing, then they can also whip you up something that's really hardcore like lace'n'roses.



Amazing how a short course in advanced floral applique can change your whole outlook.

Another blog to visit: Final Fashion - I am a Fashion Design student in my final year. This blog records the development of my graduate collection. I am manufacturing Final Fashion on a small scale and it will be available Summer 2006.