You Like, You Buy Vol 8

Whether you're a cat lover or a dog lover, you should be able to find something you like from the Pets@work line of products which promise to turn your workplace into a pleasure zone. If you are neither, then I'm sorry I don't think we can ever be friends.

Created by ADDA Products Limited, the products are based on the characters of Kam Kam the cat and Don Don the dog. Kam Kam is portrayed as curious, creative, mischievous and lazy while Don Don is shown as good-natured, faithful, patient and responsible. Cue the Odd Couple theme music. After watching the first story, you can tell that their relationship is one that has several complex layers and also involves them taking bubble baths together.

The colours may not be very exciting but they are still beyond cute, especially the products are shown below:

Wrist cushion


Hook


Pen holder


Hand exerciser

This last one is my absolute favourite because it's a guaranteed time-waster. You can throw them up in the air and try to catch them with the bag, play jacks with them, or name them after members of your favourite girl/boy band and indulge in a little role-playing. The possibilities are endless.

I wanna be like Yao

What do many aspiring teenage girls have in common with a 23 year old delivery worker in Hong Kong? They both yearn to be taller so that they can pursue their respective dream careers, as a supermodel or an NBA basketball player (summarised from a more detailed Chinese article in the local Apple Daily newspaper).

I know that when I stopped growing I was just devastated that I had stopped short of the height (and looks) required for a runway model. Fortunately I didn't jump the gun and waste good money on implants. Thanks to Mr Lau, I have also come to the realisation that the following techniques wouldn't have been able to lengthen me into an Amazonian giantess:
1. the Huajia height machine
2. wrapping the legs in warm pads
3. frequent leg massages
4. passing electrical currents through the legs
5. growth hormone injections purchased from Mexico (actually I still have some confidence in this method because I've heard that there's some top-grade stuff coming out of Tijuana, but nonetheless this has been quite a rude awakening, don't you think!).

Despite all these disappointments, Mr Lau hasn't given up his dreams yet. Why should he when he's only tapped into the tip of the iceberg. There are so many other techniques available to him and one of them is bound to work:
1. neck-lengthening device
2. growing taller with hypnosis
3. oral spray
4. foot cream
5. low frequency sound waves

And just say if, purely hypothetically speaking of course, he doesn't grow any taller, he can always invest in a pair of elevator shoes. After all, Kate Moss catapulted into a style icon at only 5 foot 7 inches by using her distinctive looks. In a similar fashion, Mr Lau can conquer the basketball court by demonstrating factors such as extraordinary speed, agility, strength, endurance etc to compensate for lack of height AND intellect.

Retro Toys

Back on the subject of toys, most of the stuff on the hot Xmas toy list look really familiar. If I was a kid, I wouldn't be too happy about having to play with the same toys that I had (and broke to pieces within a week) several years ago or toys that even my parents played with.


Tamagotchi Connection
First released in late 1996, the evil murderous keyrings have returned with vengeance and are packed with more features. Somehow they can now visit other Tamagotchis, make friends with them, play games and *shudder* breed. I can't imagine the horror of trying to look after a kid trying to look after a Tamagotchi. You know it's time to disown them when they want to sync their bedtimes with their tamagotchi's bedtimes. There are better things to get dangerously addicted to, like Sims 2.


E-L-M-O Dancing Plush
Tickle Me Elmo was one of the hottest selling toys of 1996/7. I never bought into the popularity of Elmo, one of the blandest characters who ever bobbed along on Sesame Street. He is just Grover without the angst. This new Elmo toy spells out the letters of his name to the tune of YMCA.
It's fun to play with the E-L-M-O
It's fun to play with the E-L-M-O
He has everything for young men to enjoy
He likes to hang out with all the boys


Ms Pacman and other TV Games
This brings back memories of when arcades were actually dimly lit, smoke-filled and somewhat seedy places where serious gaming took place instead of those embarrassing dance-offs. There would always be a bunch of menacing gangsters crowded around the popular games getting their asses kicked by a six year old kid.
But what were Jakks Pacific thinking when they put this game pack together? How could they have left out Tetris? Blasphemy!!


Cabbage Patch Kids
Why anyone would want a doll that looks like Minnie Driver is beyond me. So what if they come with their own birth and adoption certificates? I bet there are heaps of bloggers out there who can prove that they were forged.

Not surprisingly the all singing and dancing suicide bomber doll didn't make it on the hot list. Even though the manufacturers of Warfare Puppetry put so much effort into crafting the mini binoculars, walkie talkies, grenades and knives. That's not right. That's not even wrong!

Application to Armani

Ever since Giorgio Armani announced that he has been looking for a successor, I've been wanting to throw my coolie hat in the ring. I really need a career change (or a career even!) so I spent a long time crafting this cover letter to him, applying to be his heir. Fingers crossed that I make the first round!

Dear Mr Armani,
First of all I'd like to take the opportunity to say that I am a huge (not physically because I know that being thin is compulsory in the world of fashion) fan of silver-haired men with deep tans and white teeth like yourself. IMHO only George Hamilton comes close to getting it right but you sir, own the look. Now with those superficial pleasantries out of the way, can I call you Giorgio?

I may not have had much training in fashion design but that hasn't stopped people from becoming designers in the past. What I lack in formal qualifications I more than make up for in boundless enthusiasm for wealth. Prestige. The limelight. And so forth. Anyway, famous learning grounds like the Parsons School of Fashion can't be that good. Look at Nicky Hilton, she studied there and all she learnt was to design a white singlet and jeans.

I will also make the Armani building in Hong Kong more than just a handy overhead walkway in the CBD for people to hurry through on their way to meetings. Nobody ever stops and actually shops there because it is impossible to find anything remotely interesting for under HK$1000. The most it could get you is a flower stem from Armani Florist, half a sparkly bra-cup (no tassels even!) from La Perla lingerie or a 30 second hair rinse from the Kim Robinson Salon. We need to capture the public's attention with displays like models slathered in baby oil, wearing fishnets and gogo boots in bird cages. And that's just the males. The Armani Caffe would also get more popular if we turned into a karaoke bar at night. Karmanioke has a nice ring to it don't you think?

By the way, a friend of mine once bumped into Chow Yun Fat on the train. Since he starred in Replacement Killers with your good friend Mira Sorvino (whose wedding gown you designed, and might I add that it was so stunning I hardly noticed that the groom had been plucked away from his ape family in the jungle or that Mira was already knocked up), that only makes me a few degrees away from you!

I hope you don't mind constructive feedback but you currently have too many labels - Giorgio Armani, Armani Collezioni, Mani, Emporio Armani, Armani Jeans, Armani Exchange and Armani Junior. This is confusing and it would be easier for everybody to understand if we just streamlined everything into 2 main labels. Armani $$$$ and Armani $$$.

Unlike other bosses, I do not made stringent demands on the way the staff decorate their desks. It's the little things that demonstrate loyalty, like keeping a picture of me in their wallet or naming their first born after me.

It has been reported that you are planning to open god knows how many more stores in China. Well my experience will be invaluable because I know how to pry RMB from hands of the status-obssessed nouveau riche and I know where the clean (or relatively clean) toilets are.

Most importantly, I will not simply discard Armani's illustrious history and sell out to a faceless conglomerate. I want it to be mine, all mine, muahahahahah. I am available for a face to face interview in Milan at any time, so please send the private jet over at your convenience.

Call me!
Spirit Fingers

Rating Barbie

Reading about the Barbie museum in Taiwan and the unwholesome Barbie range made me wonder how the old girl has been doing lately. Is she holding her own against the likes of those Bratz dolls? So I went over to Amazon.com and found a huge section devoted to her blondeness. Bypassing the adult reviews, I went straight for the kid reviews simply because they tell it like it is. As you can see below, the comments were mixed but never boring.

Happy Birthday Barbie
I love tis item. i love barbie's lovely dress. she looks so pretty. if i could i would turn into barbie. She has the best life and she is the most beautifil person alive in the whole world.

Barbie as Batgirl with Motorcycle
You can bend her anywhere......Good for kids and adults.

Pink Sparkle Fairy Barbie Doll
What is the point of these dolls. The comertial that goes with them is so retarted. Most little kids would run right outside after they saw it because they expect a fairytopia or mermaid doll. My brother (yes brother) begged me for one for months. When it was time for his birthday i gatherd up all my allowence i have been saving for his fairtopia doll and went to the toy store with my mom. I bought him his doll and wraped it in tin foil cuz it was so crappy. He opend my present and grabbed the doll. he said i wish for my favorite ice cream. He looked in the freezer and found it. his wish did not come true. my mom and i bought his fave ice cream the day before. Next he asked for a million dollars. I wish we had gotten a million dollars cuz it was a better present then the fairytopia doll. He didnt get it so he threw it down on the ground and said the comerital lide to me. Sence the doll had not been opend i returned it the next day. In the comertial it said the words dreams come true. he only wanted it becuase he thought it would make every dream come true. Dont buy the doll based on what you see on the comertial. This doll stinks.

Barbie of Swan Lake: My Size Doll
Heres the story. i bought this doll seeing as how i only collect the my size barbie dolls. so i took it on a camping trip. we went to a lake. i sat with my doll in the water and all of a sudden its hair is yanked away by a jet ski and the doll sunk into the lake! two days later a man caught it while fishing and told me that hunk of junk was also a present to his daughter. he said she was dissapointed and next time he fishes he will bring his daughters seeing as mine worked as bate and was a flotaton device for some seaweed! i caught 14 slamon!

Princess of England Barbie
this is a collectors item, and should not be posessed by 12 year old children unless they are responsible... like me

Midge and Baby Dolls (as expected the pregnant Midge doll generated heated debate)
KID REVIEWER 1
LITTLE GIRLS ALWAYS LOOK AT BARBIE LIKE INTELEGENT AND STUDIEST AND THEY WANT TO DO AS BARBIE DOES.NOW CAN YOU PICTURE WHAT LITTLE GIRLS WILL BE LEARNING FROM THIS? THEY WILL ALSO WANT TO HAVE A BABY.VERY BAD IDEA..

KID REVIEWER 2
all you .. who think this doll is innapropreate are freakishly wrong.pregnacy is an normal thing,not a desises. this is happy family barbie,not porn star barbie. ...this is a family life learning tool, not a discrace. so stop critisizing it. p.s. power to the people who wrote good reviews about this really sophisticated doll. p.s. #2 don't comment my review negtevly. don't even comment my review.... this website dosen't permit that! thanks toysrus and amozon!

Barbie as Halle Berry in Catwoman (who proved to be even more controversial than pregnant Midge)
KID REVIEWER 1
I loved the movie and i love cat woman this toy is the best it dosent really teach you anything but who cares dont we kids get smarter because of school i meen none of the kids want to be taught something by every little thing anyway the barbie looks exactly like cat woman in the movie it is perfect and Halle Berry rocks she is my role modle and when i say this i speak for most of the kids

KID REVIEWER 2
**********THIS WAS THE WORST DOLL I HAVE EVER SEEN!!
FIRST, IT IS DRESSED IN THE WORST CLOTHES, THAT SHOW EVERYTHING, SECOND IT DOESN'T EVEN LOOK LIKE HALLE BERRY, AND THIRD IT IS FROM A MOVIE THAT NOT MANY YOUNG GIRLS HAVE SEEN.

THIS DOLL WAS DRESSED IN CLOTHES THAT LOOKED STUPID, AND SHOWED EVERYTHING!!
THIS BARBIE IS A WASTE OF MONEY, BECAUSE IT LOOKED NOTHING LIKE HALLE BERRY, AND PLUS WHY WOULD WE WANT TO TEACH THE YOUNG GIRLS TO REALLY CARE ABOUT MOVIE STARS?
TELL ME 5 LITTLE GIRLS THAT HAVE SEEN CATWOMAN MOVIE? NOBODY THAT I KNOW HAS SEEN IT AND THEY ARE OLDER THAN THE GIRLS THAT PLAY WITH BARBIES!!
I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE THINK THAT IT'S JUST SOME CUTE DOLL FOR THEIR LITTLE ONES TO PLAY WITH, BUT YOU HAVE TO THINK OF THE BIG PICTURE, NOT THE OBVIOUS ONE*********

Italian for fugly

The Italian fashion house of Fendi is trying to stage a brand revival so that people will actually buy something, anything even, from their boutiques. You'd think that with that unsightly brown double F logo, the tai-tais of Asia would be automatically surrendering their wallets to the Fendi sales assistants. Could it be...that they have developed a modicum of taste? Of course not, because that would contradict the rise of fortunes at Dior.



Fendi is hoping that their latest Vanity handbag (pictured above) will prove to be as popular as their signature baguette handbag. It manages to be futuristic and retro at the same time and costs between US$1200-$1600, which is more than the special effects budget of the sci-fi tv show in which it was used as a prop.

Fendi has also announced plans to focus their attentions on designing more shoes because frankly, they don't really know how to design clothes for people who aren't circus performers. This fills me with great trepidation because the world can only handle so much unsightliness. For example:



What do you think goes on during Fendi brainstorming meetings?
Creative 1: This winter, I'm thinking that we go for the intrepid explorer look, something like trekking in the Himalayas. Fendi meets the Yeti!
Creative 2: I'm thinking we look further west and take inspiration from the Alps, and mix in some thematic florals like the alpine edelweiss. The hills are alive with the Sound of Fendi!
Karl Lagerfeld: Nein! Have you no imagination at all? I'm thinking of a look which says Yeti gets lei'd! By singing nuns! *giggle*
Creatives 1 & 2: Gasp! Karl, you are brilliant!



At first I thought that some prankster superglued the crocodile shoe to its plastic display stand. But they're really perspex wedge heels. Those words don't even belong in the same book, let alone the same sentence. What are we selling here, bookends or shoes? Make up your mind, Fendi!

Now you can see why I think that if you look up Fendi in the Italian-English dictionary, you will find that it means "fugly". Somewhere in a secluded Mediterranean resort, the original Fendi sisters (who sold a majority stake in their company to LVMH) are too busy knocking back champagne cocktails while getting their feet massaged by hunky toy boys to care about what is going on.

Fashion Roadkill of the Day: Vol 10

It's good to know that the fashion police are actively patrolling the streets. But it breaks my heart to see such a worthy cause being so woefully underfunded. Thank god for those schoolkids who are willing to design things for free with their black marker pens. Please make a donation now to help the fashion police afford some coloured pens and smiley-face stamps (to dot the i's). If you can dig a bit deeper in your pockets, I'm sure we can also scrounge up some funds for gold star stickers so the kids don't have to draw them in. We wouldn't want these experts to be seen as lacking in credentials.