Friday, October 14

All creatures great and small

Update: I see that a livejournal feed was created for this blog back in May. Servicing THREE readers daily! If you have a livejournal, you can subscribe to it before it gets too popular.

For his spring 2006 ready to wear collection, John Galliano did something unconventional and used people with non-modelly bodies as models. Everyone was initially aghast that such people existed and were allowed to be in the same room as them. Eventually though, they came around to accept the fact that whatever shape or size you are, it's all fine as long as you can afford to wear Galliano.

A selection of these fantastical images are below while the entire collection can be found here.

Yet another model being escorted out of a haute-cuisine restaurant after refusing to pay the bill. I should only have to pay for what I didn't throw up.

This has all the makings of a political sex-scandal which will end badly in resignation and fishnet stockings around someone's throat.

Identical twins in every respect except for the visibility of their panty lines

In a perfect world, Tom Cruise would marry somebody his own size.

Who knew that designer prom clothing would look exactly like regular prom clothing.

I don't even want to know what's going on here. I bet it has something to do with preparations for the next coming of Comet Hale-Bopp.

What a rare celebration of diversity. Judging from the look on her face, even Vogue editor-in-chief Anna Wintour was totally impressed.

Another blog to visit: Of Course We're Going To Fling Poo! - Sometimes I'm nice, sometimes I'm not. You'll have to deal with it.

Thursday, October 13

Disrupting a delicate balance

I don't care how pissed off you are about it. You're coming home with me and that's the end of the matter! I will call you Princess Jelly-Froufrou Twatface.

Why must we always strive to upset the delicate balance that exists between the two species? You so know that they still haven't forgiven us for Yet we insist on producing more and more gadgets in order to make our feline pets more like the humans they so despise.

As described on all the tech blogs, Citikitty is a revolutionary toilet training seat. But as troublesome as changing kitty litter sounds, I don't know if I could deal with pawprints all over the toilet bowl. Once your cat has accomplished the difficult task of aiming properly into the toilet bowl (something which some men have yet to achieve), you'll feel compelled to teach it to flush, wash its paws, and check it outself in the bathroom mirror.

Pretty soon they'll be taking in the newspaper to read and spending hours in there with the door locked. If they're not releasing their bowels, they'll be crouched over the lid retching up furballs. I would think the plumbing bills would come out to be considerably more than the cost of fresh kitty litter.

This Japanese device analyses the meow patterns and body language of your cat and attempts to provide meaningful translations. I for one don't envy the ability to talk to the animals. Modern life is already such a sensory overload without having to deal with a longwinded tabby yakking on about what it dug up in the neighbour's backyard.

Fortunately there are no plans to produce an English version of Meowlingual. Can you imagine the most popular phrases would be:
Leave me alone.
Get off your ass and make me some food.
You suck.
I crapped in your cornflakes this morning and I would not hesitate to do it again.

Come now, that all doesn't sound so bad, you say. At least we're not zipping up our cats from neck to crotch in costumes resembling rejected Village People characters and taking photos of them in human situations. Yeah well, you obviously haven't met a Namen nayo cat.

Wednesday, October 12

Dressing for simplicity and comfort

Denim may be the most popular fabric in the world but there is nothing simple about it. Once you've paid a premium for a flattering cut that has been individually hand bleached, frayed, distressed, battered against rocks and washed in the waters of a mystical river, you then have to figure out what to wear it with. Even the almighty Zorro can fall prey to the dangers of double denim (and an unfortunate Caesar haircut) from time to time.

Increasingly, women are opting for a simpler, cleaner look that minimises early morning wardrobe angst (I have nothing to wear! I look terrible! Life sucks! I want to die! Now!).

It makes sense when you think about it, because after spending all that money on lingerie, it seems silly to have cover up for the sake of propriety. Just add a pair of tall pointy boots to remind yourself what season it is.

With a slight modification and a plethora of accessories, it also makes for a camera-friendly red carpet outfit.

The simplicity of this look means that you can devote more time to squeezing into those tight jeans. What I like about tight jeans (especially the ones that are painted on) is that they allow total freedom of movement should you ever need to spread your legs in a work or social context.

I look forward to seeing you and your cleavage on my daily commute.

Another blog to visit: Memoirs of MisAdventure - travels from and travails in the OC and points beyond

Tuesday, October 11

Getting the most out of your face

It's a public holiday today which means I should be rolling out of my place languidly in search of lunch and fashion roadkill right about now. But first, let me give you a few quick tips on the art of giving good face.

As a starting point, always remember to wear your hair AWAY from instead of towards the face.

Let me tell you about the last time I went out with my hair wound tightly around my face. Not only was my vision impaired but I stood by the bar the entire night and NOT A SINGLE PERSON bought me a drink!

Necklines, as the name suggests, should be kept below the chin. People could may well suspect you of trying to conceal a particularly virulent case of herpes simplex.

Hats can be used to good effect but some have a tendency of collapsing ungracefully like uneaten cotton candy. You'd be better off with a quality headframe. Frames with square or sharper edges accentuate facial definition while rounder frames soften angular features.

Finally we come to the tricky issue of blemishes and annoying unsightly scars. Yes there is corrective green-based concealer that claims to neutralise the red blotches but there is also heavy duty glitter that is applied using a hot glue gun.

Armed with this knowledge, you can now go about confidently seeing AND being seen. After all, if people can't see your face properly how else are they going to make an instant judgment about the rest of you?

Another blog to visit: Ramblings - A little bit bitchy. Sometimes nice. Usually demented. Always lost.

Monday, October 10

You Like, You Buy Vol 33

It's early days yet for Hong Kong but over time it is hoped that Disney will capture our imagination, our wallets and our sense of style. This article says it all really and sets out your choices should you be hankering to fill your hope chest with stylish merchandise featuring Mickey and his cohorts. The easiest way to do it is to buy one of the Giordano t-shirts above in your favourite colour and character. The look is decidedly casual but affordable enough to buy in bulk and resell at exorbitant prices on ebay.

For those who like to adorn themselves with trinkets and baubles of yore, I recommend Chow Tai Fook's Disney Princess collection which is fairly innocuous. There you will find familiar symbols like Cinderella's glass slipper, Dumbo's security feather and the lamp that Aladdin enjoyed rubbing so much.

As for ladies whose fancies run to slightly gaudier, the enthusiastic salespeople at Chow Sang Sang ( would be more than happy to make your acquaintance. If you're wondering why it all looks like the colour of radioactive margarine, the Chinese are very particular about the quality of their gold. Nothing less than 99.99% pure gold, 99.9% if you're cutting corners.

Mickey & Minnie cuff bracelet

Minnie pink crystal pendant

Fairy Tale Wedding

Mickey Wishing Tree

But before you swan around in your newfound princess glory, please consider whether you are qualified to do so by local standards. Instead of using a pea under a mattress, we simply ask that you meet the criteria of being an "innocent elegant and beautiful western woman".