Friday, March 25

Rod Stewart's Standards

Ladies interested in applying to be the next Mrs Rod Stewart should meet the following eligibility criteria:

Blonde (but in slightly different shade to daughter to avoid confusion)

Bouncy & bubbly

Soft shoulders to rest on

Looks good in lingerie

Some working knowledge and understanding of the dance floor

Experience in dealing with aged

Wears support undergarments

Passes routine physical checks

Thursday, March 24

Five six, grab your chocolate crucifix

If you're thinking about giving somebody a live bunny (of the non-Playboy kind) for Easter, consider the Make Mine Chocolate campaign which aims to stop the dumping of unwanted pets. It encourages the purchase of chocolate or stuffed toy rabbits, and has an array of products on its site like ceramic rabbit pins. I much prefer this campaign to the Make Mine Dead campaign that is being spearheaded by Jennifer Lopez:

When it comes to Easter chocolates, I don't just limit myself to the rabbits. I like to keep an open mind. Frankly I'm partial to a bit of chocolate Jesus because when you're talking about Easter, the man of the hour is really Jesus Christ, and not just for his ability to turn water into wine. I have seen the Chocolate Jesus and Mary molds been gleefully passed around the internet like pictures of Jessica Alba. However I have to say that in practice making these things require the tricky skills of the devil.

Some people prefer their chocolate Jesus on a stick as it keeps their hands Pontius Pilate clean, in which case the Jesus the Lollipop is ideal. But what about the Apostles, you cry. Surely there is room for them in the wide brown land of confectionery. Why yes there is. There's room for everyone on the same chocolate bar burnished with edible gold.

Even if Easter has no religious significance to you, that's no reason to deny yourself the delights of chocolate. In fact, there is NEVER any good reason, unless you are a dog, to deny yourself these pleasures. Chocolate is so versatile nowadays that it's become multi-denominational. Pick a deity, any deity. Their holinesses all look delicious. Especially Buddha. Happy solid dark chocolate laughing Buddha. Mmmm Buddha.

Wednesday, March 23

Macroeconomics and stuff 101

It's not quite happy days are here again but things are certainly looking up for Hong Kong!
We've got one of the world's most impressive visual skylines!
An airport industry travel survey has rated Hong Kong's airport as the world's best!
The unemployment rate dropped to a 3 year rate low!
Companies are posting healthy profit figures!
Crime does not pay!
The World Cup Rugby Sevens were a resounding celebration of sporting greatness and of the female form!
Michael Kors is opening his first boutique over here!
And most significantly, Joey Yung has posted a strong comeback to be named one of Hong Kong's best-selling singers in 2004! As a novice economist with plenty of blowhard opinions, I have observed that Joey's popularity and style have a tendency to wax and wane in line with Hong Kong's fortunes:

recession-bust phase (a few years ago)

recovery-boom phase (currently)

By studying these key indicators, you too can have your finger on the pulse of the HK economy.

Tuesday, March 22

HK Bridal Special: Chapter 4

The grandiosity of a Hong Kong wedding reception may be measured in terms of the food and the number of evening gowns that the bride can change into. Traditionally, the bride appearing in a different gown as each course was served was meant to be a gross display of her family's wealth. Nowadays it is merely a gross display.

Does one attend for the multi-course banquet or the multi-course fashion parade? Either way, it's a veritable feast. Oh yeah, you might want to savour this post slowly instead of devouring the whole thing at once. Try to give your eyes a rest in between courses. There is such a thing as visual indigestion.

Barbecued whole suckling pig

Baked sea whelk with Portuguese sauce

Braised bamboo piths with Yunnan ham and superior vegetables

Deep-fried and sauteed prawns with garden greens

Braised superior shark fin's soup with heart of cabbage

Braised whole abalone with seasonal vegetables

Steamed fresh red spotted garoupa

Deep fried crispy chicken

Fried rice with egg white and conpoy

Deep-fried shrimp dumplings in supreme soup

Baked sago pudding in lotus paste

Fresh fruit platter

Finest selection of Chinese petit fours

Monday, March 21

Can you feel the love tonight?

Feeling a little depressed by the recent spate of celebrity break-ups? The Chinese media is here to show us that romance is still alive and well in the animal kingdom. Their "mating season for leopards" pictorial guides us through the 4 stages of a one night stand at the zoo:
1. Have I seen you somewhere or met you before because those spots sure do look familiar.
2. What shags like a wild panther and winks *wink*
3. Of course I'll respect you in the morning.
4. And to think, I didn't even have to buy you dinner! Now be quiet and go to sleep.

Chinese people have believed for a long time that jungle cats make better, more considerate lovers. Hence the need for old rich men to stock up tiger genitalia as an aphrodisiac. Come on, you geezers, as if your vacuous mistresses even notice! They're lying back and thinking of how soon they'll get a call to pick up the latest "it" handbag they reserved at the Dior trunkshow. Being waitlisted is quite infuriating sometimes.

The Chinese newspapers continue to perpetuate this belief with stories like the one above. They would also have us believe that even Jennifer Aniston temporarily hooked up with a tiger. Yeah, that'll show Brad.

Sunday, March 20

Fashion Roadkill of the Day: Vol 30

From Mallrat, comes this mannequin roadkill sighting:

Now showing at Bridge Rd in Richmond, Victoria, Australia, so get down there if you want to see it without the Citroen hatchback reflection. It could be that the boutique owner needed to find some use for their back issues of fashion magazines. Or there just wasn't anything worth in the shop putting on display. Either way it's a hidden gem, one of the few Australian attractions that you can't find in tourist guidebooks.

On the homefront, I don't have any mannequins of note to report lately. However I did come across a boot in a shop window which had shamelessly plagiarised some 70s album cover art:

I can't quite describe what sort of outfit would go with that but I'm sure that there's one out there and that I'll know it when I see it. Lack of ankles notwithstanding, there's a certain degree of satisfaction associated with seeing a pair of boots "complete the look":

When shopping for boots, treat the experience like shopping for a prospective life partner. Instead of committing to the first pair that catches your fancy because it looks semi-normal, has a chance of getting along with your parents and smiles back at you, do try before you buy. The fit has to be just right.

I can't believe that Miss "My Shanks Runneth Over" had the audacity to give me a strange look after I whipped my camera out, told the person standing in front of me to scram and asked her to spread her legs a little bit. At least the blood is actually circulating in my legs.