Saturday, July 24

Prada party is not pretty

My invitation to celebrate the opening of the new Prada Store in Beverly Hills, LA must have got lost in the mail. I mean, if Bai Ling could score an invite, surely everyone else who has ever stepped foot in a Prada store would be on the list, right? Anyway I'm relieved that I wasn't there because I would have been disappointed by the distinct lack of beautiful people.

What, are you kidding me? You mean Brad and Benicio are not the same person?

Um Fez, this isn't an audition for the Little Rascals.

I didn't know that Selma Blair had married into the Addams family. She seems to be assimilating quite well too.

Milla, didn't they teach you in model school to match your foundation to your skin tone? Your head looks like its been screwed on...the wrong way round too.

Pay attention Lindsay Lohan, you've still got a long way to go. Since when did Pamela start hanging out with Carson Kressley anyway?

You look good Gwen although next time leave your less attractive sister at home where she can develop her atrocious fingerpainting skills.

Lady, I don't know who you are but your hat looks dumber than a box of stupid rocks labelled "DUMB". Perhaps you were hoping to smuggle out a pair of Prada shoes under it.

Friday, July 23

Fashion Roadkill of the Day: Vol 1

Do you have any more of that fabric left that you could possibly give to me? No, I didn't think so because you would have used any leftovers to make pants, shoes, bedsheets, curtains and cover the sofa too.

Thursday, July 22

It's a walkoff!

Even though it came out in 2001, not a day goes by when I don't try to work a Zoolander line into everyday conversation (my favourite being "Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty"). So imagine my stress when I find out that there's a new Hong Kong comedy film set in the world of male supermodels. Imaginatively titled Supermodel, it looks like a pale imitation of the Hollywood version, which sounds strange, because Hollywood tends to make pale imitations of the original foreign versions.

Famous supermodel at the peak of his career, check. Feisty, fashion challenged female love interest, check. Up and coming rival male supermodel, check. Lots of cameos by famous Hong Kong celebrities, check. The trailer I saw even copied the walk-off (the supermodel equivalent of a duel where they try to outdo each other by performing complicated catwalk moves) scene but any walk-off challenge which doesn't feature Bily Zane or isn't presided over by David Bowie will be clearly inferior.

The lead character is called Mandom, and his buddies are called Freedom and Condom, even though Boredom seems like a more appropriate name for this trainwreck. Tired visual cliche alert: the female love interest is an unsophisticated girl because she falls over while practising how to walk.

Another thing I don't understand is why Mandom is always dressed in campy outfits with flamboyant headgear and constantly makes lots of effeminate gestures. This isn't a biopic about Priscilla, Queen of Wanchai. Finally, you know a movie is bad when the trailer consists largely of the characters laughing at or with each other and further outtakes as filler. It's like the actors are screaming "Can't you see?!?! This is so funny, hahahahahaha you MUST laugh along with us too! Come on, give it a go. Hahahahahaha!! Please...just a little chuckle will do."

And people wonder why the Hong Kong movie industry has been in a slump.

Political statement of the day

Let it not be said that this blog does not have searing political content. The US presidential race just got a whole lot more interesting now that First Twins of Vogue have joined their dad's campaign. There will be some decent fashion to check out on the campaign trail while we sip our Starbucks soy lattes (underage drinking is so 2001). Jenna and Barbara are not only more animated than America's favourite creepy twins but they've also upped the fashion stakes in this heady world of politics. The coming months will be crucial in deciding whether the Kerry daughters can rise to the challenge without resorting to another see-through gown.

Wednesday, July 21

Britters' suite

If you're ever in Boston and want to feel like a washed up pop star with a penchant for junk food, spend a night at the Onyx Hotel's Britney themed bedroom. Designed by queen of all stage moms Lynne Spears, it looks exactly like Britney's own bedroom at her Louisana home.

Even though the Onyx Hotel tour has been cancelled due to Britney's debilitating knee injury (which she amazingly recovered from within days, defying all experts' predictions), Britney's handlers still feel that this lip-synching cash cow hasn't been fully milked yet.

But on to the room itself. The mini-bar stocks the 4 main food groups known to Britney - Red Bull, Cheetos, Pop tarts and Starburst. Although there is a dvd and music system, there is nothing much you can do with it, since the only entertainment offered is in the form of a Crossroads DVD and CDs of Britney's music.

As for the decor, reports say that the room has off-white decorations but go on to add that there are shades green, gold, pink and soft blue. On their own, those colours might work, but together it just sounds like one of her bad outfits.

There's also glass beaded wallpaper over the bed because anything shiny or sparkly can keep Britney engrossed for hours. The bathroom is a cornucopia of gold-speckled walls and gold beaded shower curtains, thus giving a new meaning to the term golden shower.

The rack rate (haha I used the word "rack" in the same sentence as Britney Spears) is US$349 in the high season and 10% of the proceeds goes to the Britney Spears foundation which funds several causes which probably include maintaining the various children of her gold-digging fiance.

Tuesday, July 20

Sweet exploited colours of Summer

McDonald's Hong Kong invites you to enjoy summer by collecting Hello Kitty plush dolls which are small and cute like the impoverished children who made them. They come in 16 colours and are named after different gemstones (and quite possibly they have associated healing qualities).

They're quite tiny so you can line them all up on your table and have them watch you work. You can also attach them to your bags or even cover the entire surface of your shirt with them. The possibilities are endless, that's how magical they are.

Although some of the colours are not very attractive (eg the "green phantom quartz" Kitty looks like a blob of mould), I must confess that I bought a yellow one. More specifically, she's called Citrine Kitty and the little card that comes with her says that Citrine Kitty means Energy. I can already feel invigorated by looking into her fabric-sewn eyes.

I know that I shouldn't be getting any more of these things but I can hear Rose Quartz Kitty calling my name, even though she has no mouth.

Monday, July 19

Martha dresses down

Despite wearing drab brown open-toed shoes and a humble looking tote to her sentencing hearing, Martha Stewart still ended up being slammed with a 5 month jail sentence and a further five months home imprisonment. When she previously carried an Hermes Birkin(US$6050) into court during her trial, the media had a field day, construing it as a rude finger gesture to the little people.

A couple of times, the Birkin was carried together with an Hermes Garden Party bag(US$1125). A black Hermes Kelly(US$5,100-6,900) also made a brief appearance. Oh, and that humble looking tote is a US$3050 Hermes Picotin Grande in case you were wondering.

Hermes handbags are highly sought after because they are made from the skins of baby unicorns, crafted into shape by talented tribesmen in an area so remote that it hasn't heard of Britney's upcoming wedding, then blessed by a Tibetan druid under the light of a blue moon. That's why the waiting list to get one is so long and sometimes you need to go on a pre-waiting list before being allowed on the official waiting list. That or people are just incredibly stupid.

If you really need a boxy bag to make you feel like a high powered executive, do what many fashion victims before you have done, and flock to the Shenzhen Special Economic Zone (ie counterfeit headquarters) in China where they sell fake Kellys and Birkins in every conceivable colour. However, if I do catch you carrying one, be prepared for me to bag shame you.

Ultimately, I don't think carrying around overpriced handbags turned the jury against her. It was probably seeing her wear this monstrosity (from Ralph Rucci's Spring 2004 couture collection) at the CFDA Fashion Awards that made them want to lock her away.

Credit to NY Daily News and Fametracker for the handbag information.