You Like, You Buy Vol 14
Yes, yes the rumours you have heard about Hong Kong are true. There is indeed a store called Wanko. Far from selling goods of masturbatory delights, it is a fashion chain that stocks affordable workwear and casualwear for the office ladies.
The current spokesmodel is actress Carina Lau, long-time girlfriend of highly acclaimed actor Tony Leung Chiu-Wai. Carina is normally quite watchable in whatever movie she's in but all the acting skills in the world cannot save a photo shoot with a warped photographer who gives very particular directions on how to pose:
The curry fishball & pig's blood noodles you had for lunch came with a free side of salmonella. Oh crap! You instinctively pull your hair back before you start to regurgitate the contents of your stomach.
You have reached the final round of a gruelling interview process for a position as personal assistant to the Managing Director. Yay you! Instead of sitting in the chair offered to interviewees, you perch on the edge of the armrest and confidently explain to your potential boss that you always wear short tight skirts that ride up by at least 2 inches.
You are a glamourous patchouli-scented hostess on a 1970s game show and you're trying to get the audience really excited about what's behind Beaded Curtain No. 1.
Someone on the street has recognised you as the woman who starred in The Gods Must be Crazy IV. You shrink in embarrassment. There's nowhere to hide except behind a high collared downy jacket of questionable design. Make that doubly embarrassing!
The office sleaze tries to hit on you while you are making coffee in the pantry. You casually feign a headache to show him your wedding ring. With your other hand you subtly signal that you think he is a zero in bed, based on the 3 minutes you spent with him in Conference Room 3 during last year's office Xmas party. Uh huh.
Once again, you've caught your philandering husband, scion of a multi-million dollar empire founded on velour, in another affair. Grrrrr. You resolve to ruin his favourite Louis XV hand-carved giltwood chaise longue with your kitten heels.
You are an undercover cop assigned to rid the streets of lowlife scum. It's so cold out on the sidewalk that your legs are showing signs of frostbite but you gamely soldier on because Operation: Trenchcoat Hooker must not fail. How much do you love your job!