Onerous concert guidelines
Onerous concert guidelines placed on foreign artists by Malaysian authorities
Female and male artists must keep crotch-to-crotch distances to a minimum of 5 inches when performing onstage together.
There is to be no unnecessary displays of flesh or dilly-dallying on staircases.
Obvious fake wigs are banned as they distract audience attention away from the substance of the performance.
Please refrain from reaching out to wring the necks of your audience members.
All maracas must be kept high where the authorities can see them, not hidden deep in the folds of tight shiny pants.
Simulating frozen embryo transfer procedures does not constitute an approved dance move.
Due to space restrictions, each male concertgoer is limited to bringing two females inside. Female companions must be accompanied on separate leashes.
Next update: Monday 15 August