Saturday, November 12

OMG so effing cute

FIVE?!? Talk about overkill. A flaming mascot? A fish? With arms and legs? that a bird or a frog on the far right? Mascot designers, please pass the bong over here as well, so I can try and understand what inspired all of you. Good god, once the headgear comes off they're indistinguishable from each other. That should make for some pretty interesting identity-swapping tales to rival even those of Sweet Valley High's Wakefield twins.

Well at least the panda made it into the final five. It's the only one that gives the Friendlies any credibility even if it's been receiving Hiltonesque levels of overexposure lately. Have you seen what's been happening around the world? Internally, the Communist Party is calling it a pandamic.

Thailand hosted the first panda marriage ceremony, leading conservatives to call for an outright ban on low-sex marriages. The Chinese Consul, played the part of a caring parent, telling the newlyweds "“Start making children soon. Don’t let me down.” Here is the bride gorging herself on wedding cake while the groom slurred his way through an improvised speech.

Tai Shan who was recently born at the Smithsonian National Zoo is now 4 months old. Reports say that "Tai Shan has been able to walk back into the den, but not without running into barriers". Clearly one of the staff has been putting a nip of brandy in his baby bottle.

The female panda cub at the San Diego National Zoo just turned 100 days old and was formally given the name of Su Lin. Rejected names included Jzardenay Jzonquil, Peightyn, Meltonia and La'Miracle Chasitie.

Two pandas are scheduled to be delivered to Taiwan as a gesture of goodwill. They are understandably apprehensive about migrating to a place where pineapple shrimp, wasabi cuttlefish, strawberry tuna and mango seaweed are legitimate ice cream flavours.

Back in China, the Woolong nature reserve has welcomed twin panda cubs. Born with the natural smoky eyeliner effect that other less fortunate twins can only hope to emulate.

My panda picture collection is far from exhausted so be sure to check back here for more updates. I have absolutely no qualms about dishing on all the latest and hottest gossip. It comes with the territory of being cute and endangered.

Another blog to visit: It's All About the Cute

Thursday, November 10

Another year of sexy

My, how time flies. One minute you're packing up your Christmas decorations, the next thing you know there are supermodel breasts plastered all over the news which can only mean that the Victoria's Secret Fashion show has chalked up another year of sexy.

No matter what they tell you about appreciating the diversity of female bodies, Victoria's Secret lingerie is not for everyone and it IS your fault for having a realistic body type. Mexican singer Thalia shows us the ideal body shape for women wishing to walk into a Victoria's Secret boutique.

This show was special because it represents one of Tyra Banks' final appearances before she retires from the runway. What a way to bow out by hamming it up like a deranged flair-covered court jester. Not fierce, not fierce at all.

Karolina Kurkova displayed the fitted military look that has been so prevalent this season.

Heidi Klum chose to remind us with big flashing lights how Henry Gunther Ademola Dashtu Samuel entered this world.

Naomi Campbell decided to trumpet her own arrival, then proceed to bludgeon the nearest person to a bloody pulp with the said trumpet.

In addition to the usual extravagantly bejewelled bra, there were also inventive designs such as the pubic heart ribbon and the vagina cravat.

November is really shaping up to be a scantily clad month isn't it? In addition to Miss Playboy Latin America and the Warm Biz bra, there has also been this.

Sometimes you just need to lie back and let the accompanying news caption do all of the work:
A model parades in front of street children, some of whom are sniffing glue, in the drug-infested 'Barrio Triste' (Sad Neighborhood) in downtown Medellin in Colombia November 7, 2005. The event was organised to entertain the children by a member of a local charity that helps children in Barrio Triste by providing food, clothes and cleaning facilities.

I have nothing to add whatsoever.

Another blog to visit: Naridu Wondering

Wednesday, November 9

Forging a fashion identity

Baiwatch update: In case you couldn't guess from the picture above, it's "Call Me" by Blondie this week.

Here's the thing about Australian fashion. I think there's a lot of talent out there and I'm not ashamed to say in civilised company that some of my best clothes are Australian. However on an international level, most of it doesn't send frissons of excitement through the skinny bodies of fashion editors. People just don't know what to make of it, a response akin to seeing a platypus for the first time.

What Australia needs is its own fashion identity before anything else. I mean, how could we have gone to a referendum over becoming a republic when we hadn't even sorted out this issue first? Well the established designers have had their chance and failed so it's up to the next generation to come up with a look that's instantly identifiable with Australia.

I think we're on to something here. No, don't interrupt me..wait..I'm thinking boxy. All kinds of boxy, including pinned to the sides boxy.

Here's another one. Oddly shaped. Vaguely like the continent of Australia itself, so that whichever way you wear it, it doesn't sit right and leaves you staring ahead in stoic resignation (left) or mute defiance (right).

There's also half-assed because when coursework is assessed on a pass/fail basis, there is plenty of leeway for slacking off.

Know that you are looking at the future of Australian fashion. Nurture it. Throw money at it. It has the potential to become universally popular and adored. Just like our fine Aussie men.

Tuesday, November 8

Pain, suffering, inconvenience and the like

Rejoice fashion victims, the long arm of justice has reached out and bitchslapped those who dare to make shoddy designer shoes. But what about people like me, who have to wade through a quagmire of bad taste everyday to fill this blog? Surely I should be compensated for my pain and suffering and inconvenience, not to mention the like? What do you think are my chances of getting a lucrative settlement from Irregular Choice (found via FTOTZ forum) after browsing through their emotionally distressing range of shoes?

Claims: Confusion leading to apprehension leading to full-blown fear. Inability to sleep. Feelings of humiliation, mortification and embarrassment for anybody caught wearing this.

Claims: Searing pain in both retinas. Temporary blindness. Loss of income from being unable to work for a week. Delusions and hallucinations upon regaining vision.

Claims: Dizziness accompanied by nausea and vomiting. Depression. Loss of love and affection for shoes generally. Loss of enjoyment of life.

Claims: Momentary shutdown of brain from seeing purple and green together. Inevitable headaches that arise from trying to understand design. Severe mental anguish. Loss of appetite.

Claims: Shock. Injury sustained from falling off chair laughing. Heart palpitations. Respiratory difficulties.

Join me in this. It has all the makings of a landmark class action suit and a truly brilliant lawyer film.

Another blog to visit: Laugh it up, fuzzball - A Fuzzball is a 28-year-old fallen belle who lives in Houston, TX with a bossy dog and an even bossier parrot who she SWEARS is the reincarnation of Napoleon Bonaparte.

Monday, November 7

More gratuitous than you could ever hope for

Toned. Playboy TV. Busty. Latin America. Lots of men nodding appreciatively. That's what happens when beauty contests get stripped to the bare essentials. It was a close contest but Miss Portugal broke away from the perky pack with a strong performance in the deep squat section. When you're that good you don't even need the pole anymore.

In second place was Miss Spain who impressed everyone by turning her feather boa into the universal sign for peace.

Miss Paraguay won the talent section by showcasing the ability to check out her own ass.

While Miss Argentina was a crowd favourite, it was her over-accessorizing that was her downfall. A savvier contestant would have lost the mini top hat, the corsage, and everything else as the night progressed.

Likewise for Miss Mexico, she was penalised heavily when she made the crucial mistake of wearing something under her negligee.

It may take a while for China to fling open the door and allow an endless procession of marabou g-strings on its tv sets, but mark my words. It won't happen overnight but it will happen. Nevertheless the good people of Guangzhou are quite content to wait because they have enough entertainment as it is already.

Another blog to visit: Fumier - the dingleberry of blogging.

Sunday, November 6

Neat sweet petite

Da da da da dum (snap snap) Da da da da dum (snap snap)
Da da da da dum Da da da da dum Da da da da dum (snap snap)

They're creepy and they're kooky

Mysterious and spooky

They're all together ooky, the Arquette family.