Famous Fashion Fables
The Hare and the Tortoise
A Hare one day ridiculed the short feet and slow pace of the Tortoise, who replied, laughing: "Though you be swift as the wind, I will beat you in a race." The Hare, said: "Eh, let's go shoe shopping instead". To which the Tortoise agreed and they both had a fine time maxing out their credit cards on several pairs of gorgeous shoes which you really had to see to appreciate how fabulous they were.
MORAL: If you prefer going running instead of shoe shopping, I...I don't know what sort of person you are.
The Fox and the Earrings
A Fox saw some dazzling chandelier earrings hanging from a trellised vine. She resorted to all her tricks to get at them, but wearied herself in vain, for she could not reach them. At last she turned away, hiding her disappointment and saying: "The earrings are too big for my face and will probably weigh down my ears. Besides, everyone's wearing them and they're like so overdone."
MORAL: Stop bitching. You know you want them.
The Boy Who Cried Fake
A young boy would trick his fellow villagers by pretending that their designer handbags were actually fakes. Several times the villagers had take their bags back to the official stores for authentication, only to find the boy laughing at them. One day, somebody actually bought an inferior LV knockoff from Ebay. The boy cried out that it was fake when he saw it, but the villagers had grown tired of his pranks. Instead of ignoring him, they gathered around and took turns smacking him with their 100% authentic handbags.
MORAL: It really isn't polite to publicly call someone out on their fake merchandise. A smug knowing look will suffice. How does a young boy get so interested in designer handbags anyway?
The Ants and the Grasshopper
The ants were spending a fine winter's day drying grain collected in the summertime. A shivering Grasshopper, clad in a floppy hat, babydoll camisole, denim boy shorts and the most ridiculous-looking cowboy boots, passed by and earnestly begged for a warm jacket. The Ants inquired of her, "Why did you not stock up on winter clothing near the start of the season?"
She replied, "I really thought the bohemian look would last all year, so I spent my money at clearance sales stocking up on tiered prairie skirts and sequinned espadrilles. Nobody seems to be wearing them anymore but it'll be a while before I can buy anything new." They then said in derision: "If you were foolish enough to think that Sienna Miller was a fashion icon, you deserve to go without a coat this winter. But here, take this old puffy down jacket and get down to the thrift shop stat."
MORAL 1: Thank god I live in a place where there are distinct seasons.
MORAL 2: Sienna Miller? Please.
The Mouse and the Lion
Once when a Lion was asleep a little Mouse began running up and down upon him; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him. "Pardon, O King," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?"
The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him, that he lifted up his paw and let him go. Some time after the Lion was desperately trying to his paws on a pair of Dior Homme skinny raw denim jeans, but was told by the snooty shop assistant that there was a waitlist of several months. Just then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad plight in which the Lion was, went up to him. After making a few calls around town, the little Mouse, who was actually a well-known stylist, found the same pair of jeans in the Lion's size and arranged for it to be on permanent loan to the Lion. "Was I not right?" said the little Mouse.
MORAL: It's good to have friends in the fashion industry who never have to pay retail no matter how rodentlike they may be.