Friday, May 26

It would be such a shame to throw them out

What to do with your designer jeans when they are no longer the hot new cult brand of the moment

Turn them into environmentally friendly cotton insulation for your home

Hide outdated stitching and other distinctive garment details under leather holsters

Pass them down to future generations as a treasured heirloom in the hope they will appreciate in value instead of being remembered as a discontinued lower-end goods.

Set them on fire and wait for the hunky firefighters to arrive

Whip up a pair of utilitarian but adorable overalls for your pet and send them out to work in the fields

Use the remainder to crudely fashion a denim bikini for the summer

Shrink them mercilessly and pass them off as toddler couture to conspicuously consumptive parents

Convert to Islam and deem them your prayer pants

Dye selective areas and give yourself a round of applause for doing such a sterling job

Roll them into a ball with all your other pairs of unwanted jeans and leave it lying around for people to gawk at

Another blog to visit: Ulysses... the quest continues - Yes, there's a quest... but there's also a lot of moaning as well.

Thursday, May 25

Wealth and progress

I dread the day when we run out of things to stick diamonds on. Whatever will rich folk buy for amusement then? I shall be monitoring the situation closely because we must constantly push ourselves to scale new heights in luxury. This is how progress is measured.

Diamond phone

$1 million and 120 carats. That is all you really need to know. This is one phone you don't want to be leaving behind in a nightclub. You'd call the number and the person who found it would ask if you also had Michael Jackson's glove to go with it. The special edition La Million de la Nuit is produced by Goldvish (, a luxury communication goods company. I can't believe they can build a whole industry around luxury communications without paying close attention to basic elements like size and shape. Sure it's devastatingly sparkly but it looks unwieldier than an illegal replica of a Star Trek blade. "Swiss excellence" - Bah!

Diamond car

Really, there has to be a more effective way to launder conflict diamonds. Normally you'd just make a p0rn film and pay the cast and crew in precious gems. Instead you've now got a car that you can't park on the road or you can't trust with the valet. Plus, you've totally taken the attention away from your kickass fur-trimmed seats. The only thing that could possibly save this failed purchase is if it had inbuilt crime-fighting capabilities and had its synthesized voice set to a gangsta accent.

Budget option

She may only be speckled with Swarovski crystals but there are 1 million of them (starting price at 1 Euro each) and we're not moving them off her body fast enough. When I last checked, the people of Hong Kong had bought close to 70, which is surprisingly low because I thought there would have been more erotic art enthusiasts here. You can do your bit as well by purchasing a single crystal, or if you are a person of considerable financial means, buying enough to start your own little Swarovski stockpile. Better still, buy up all the rest of the crystals together with the model herself. I'm sure she'll appreciate not having to stand around for the next few months waiting for a bidding war to erupt over the last crucial stones encrusting her ladybits.

Wednesday, May 24

Logic and lateral thinking are optional

Celebrity Brain Teasers

The actress named Tara is dumber than the actress named Lindsay.
Mischa is dumber than Nicole but smarter than Paris.
Nicole is dumber than Lindsay.
Paris is smarter than Tara.
List the actresses in the order of their stupidity, starting with the dumbest.
Going by names alone, the dumbest actress is Tara, the next dumbest is Paris, the next dumbest is Mischa, the next dumbest is Nicole, and the least stupid (or the "smartest" in a loose sense of the world) is Lindsay.

A boy and his father are injured in a car accident. Both are taken to different hospitals. The boy is taken to surgery. A hot sexy, bosom-heaving surgeon with luscious lips looks at the boy and says, "I cannot operate on this boy -- he's my son."
The surgeon is the boy's hot mother, the one and only Angelina Jolie.

A murderer is condemned to death. He has to choose between three rooms. The first is full of raging fires, the second is full of assassins with loaded guns, and the third is full of lions that haven't eaten in 3 years. Being an astute observer, he picks one door and lives. Please explain.
He picks the third door because the reason the lions haven't eaten in 3 years is because they are obssessed with their body image in true Hollywood-style.

A woman shoots her lover. Then she holds him under water for over 5 minutes. Finally, she hangs him. But a few hours later they both go out together and enjoy a wonderful dinner together. How can this be?
This is just a typical day in the topsy-turvy on-off rollercoaster relationship of Sienna Miller and Jude Law

Two babies born on the same day in the same year with the same mother and father are not twins. Can you explain how this can be?
The two babies are born to Britney Spears and Kevin Federline. They are two of a set of triplets due to Kevin's sperm being so extraordinarily powerful that it can even impregnate an entire herd of elephants in one sitting.

Richie Sambora needs to cross a river in a canoe. With him, he has Denise Richards, Heather Locklear, and Charlie Sheen. He can only carry one of the three at a time. If he leaves Denise and Heather, they will beat each other to death. If he takes Heather, it will get ugly between Charlie and Denise and also violate the terms of the restraining order. How does he successfully cross the river with everyone intact?
Lull them all into submission with some mindbending guitar riffs, then tie Charlie so that he drags along in the water behind the canoe. You can now ferry the ladies across one at the time. Untying Charlie at the end of the journey is at optional.

A man walks outside one day and it starts to rain. However he has to save the world in the pouring rain without any overhead cover or umbrella before he can find shelter. Yet not one hair on his head gets wet. How is this possible?
The man is international action hero Bruce Willis

Tuesday, May 23

It's good to be domesticated

What a heartening sight! My faith in humanity is restored! It seems like China has finally seen the error of its ways and accepted that little dogs do belong in clothing after all. See how besotted little "Dollar" is with wearing his spiffy neckerchief. Oh it's good to be domesticated. So good that Beijing is now home to Asia's largest dog theme park .

The Coolbaby Theme Park features the nation's first pet restaurant where dogs are treated as valued patrons rather than valued appetizers. How the tables have turned! They can even pee into their owner's drinks for fun.

They get to order from the a-la-carte menu, plus they don't even need to learn proper table manners or correct silverware usage.

The park's recreational facilities are without peer. There are obstacle courses, a playground where frisbees and sticks can be rented for a modest fee and an Olympic-sized swimming pool. Here they can time each other doing laps and bark words of encouragement from poolside like "Omigod that bitch is catching up. Faster, faster!"

And the clothes...did I mention the clothes? In this genteel country-club like atmosphere, it is only natural to find pets looking their Sunday best everyday! "Little Orange" needed 4 visits from the couturier to get the ruffles just so.

With amount of pets just clamouring to sniff butts and be sniffed up the butt at this joint, it's practically a given that Coolbaby is booked out on most days. If you are a dogowner in China, you'd best make reservations because if not, wouldn't you just end up looking small and foolish then.

Another blog to visit: FAB-ulous - A Fashion Addict's Bible

Monday, May 22

You don't need to understand the lyrics

This week's Fashion Roadkill has been pre-empted by something monumentally more terrifying. The musical and fashion cornucopia that is Eurovision exploded all over Athens during the weekend, leaving everyone's senses reeling. History was made in the Olympic Stadium as for the very first time, the winner's title fell....not, Macedonia, not even Moldova but to Mordor!!

Through the very loose criteria prescribed by the European Broadcasting Union, the Uruk-Hai managed to qualify and bludgeoned their way to victory with a headbanging religio-rock anthem about the "Arockalypse" and the day of "Rockoning". They've got horns, they've got fangs but they really just want to save you from an eternity of pop damnation!

No amount of bumping and grinding by the Moldovans could sway the judges, nor could the lyrics I'll give you my choco, do you want it or not?. Free choco on a night other than Halloween should always be looked upon with suspicion.

Macedonia's Elena Risteska tried to raise the sex quotient well, much to the dismay of one of her dancers. He is seen here being forced to simulate a most unnatural act, earning himself a nasty case of denim burn as he chafes his sensitive areas against the back of Elena's short shorts.

Even as the camera zoomed up to get a bird's eye view of Croatia's womanly canal, it was clear that no baby would be born tonight.

Iceland knew that if it didn't work out, she could still keep the headdress, lose the underwear and find viable employment on many stages.

Although the Turkish star is a powerful Islamic symbol, the troupe found that it was better used to transform themselves into sexy sheriffs who engaged in fierce but graceful dance duels.

Belarus didn't figure too prominently throughout the competition and with good reason. What a complete mess! This is what happens when you get one of those unlicensed "operate from home, over the kitchen sink" hairdressers to do your hair and sew the sleeves on your costume.

I can't wait until Asiavision hits our shores. Or maybe it already has and it just passed me by because I'm too busy writing indignant letters to broadcasting authorities trying to make it happen. I don't know if Hong Kong is musically up there with the rest of the continent but I think we can pull off camp quite respectably.

Another blog to visit: Cool Stones - Looking, playing and designing with beautiful gemstones has cured me of my insatiable jewelry collecting habit. I no longer feel the need to own and hoard jewelry. I now hoard gemstones! There's no stopping me when I see something I know the's mine no matter what.