The fashion roadkill that is Catwoman

We can't all have the same view about the situation in the Middle East but the one thing that we can agree on is that the new Catwoman costume is dreadful.

Let's start with the clunky headgear that seems to be have been inspired by a Mouseketeer's hat and makes Halle's head looks twice as long. Then there's the skanky bra-top to showcase Halle's bust because even after Swordfish and Monster's Ball, we clearly haven't seen enough.

As for the criss cross straps I'm not sure why they are there. Perhaps they hold up the costume or perhaps Catwoman is carrying a parachute on her back just in case. Moving further down, a perfectly good pair of leather pants have been ruined by lots of slashes to create a stripey effect. These are not even distressed leather pants, these are leather pants crying out in agony.

The gloves and claws are probably the least offensive part of the outfit but who cares if they've been encrusted with 800 crystals - somewhere out there is a tacky spiderdress with enough diamonds to fund several civil wars.

Finally, we get to those open-toed high-heeled boots. I bet she wears them in to the office on casual Fridays. Even though those shoes should only be worn when you're standing on a corner waiting for Richard Gere to pull up in a sportscar and ask you how to get to Beverly Hills. Well, at least she wasn't wearing hose with them.

Unfortunately, that's all people who actually pay to see the movie have to endure. In this screenshot we see Halle in one of the ugliest tops known to mankind. Nice to see Garfield making a cameo on top of her head too.

So let's take a moment shall we, reminisce about some previous incarnations of Catwoman and have a good cry about it all.

Mongkok luxe

Hong Kong will have yet another five star hotel, but this one will be the first of its kind to be located in Mongkok, an area often associated with cheap fake goods and general seediness. In tourismspeak, Mongkok is "gritty" and "authentic". The Langham Place Hotel opens on 1 August and comes with a brand new shopping mall too. There's also an office tower too but did I mention the SHOPPING?

Reports say that there will be a Seibu department store, UA cinema, another 300 shops and something called Digital Sky which sounds tacky but crowdpleasing. Best of all, there is direct access to the mall from the MTR station so you never ever have go outside. Because this is Hong Kong and having a fair complexion is really really important if you want to go somewhere in life and it is compulsory to carry an umbrella whenver you are outdoors.

The Langham Place Hotel website also has a special introductory offer of HK$888 per night until October 2004 which is a bloody good deal.  However, looking at the travel industry rate confirmed my suspicions about the sort of wonderful discounts they get. Sweet sweet perks. 

At this point, this hotel looks like a better alternative to the newly opened Le Meridien Cyberport which is in the middle of nowhere. And at least it's open for business unlike the the self-described six-star Four Seasons Hong Kong that was scheduled to open in mid-2004, no wait, early 2005, hang on no, maybe mid-2005.

Male trinkets

You know the person who always gives you a novelty tie for Christmas or your birthday because they think it's funny? Well, keep them away from Cufflinks World or you might end up with some red London phone box cufflinks, lightbulb cufflinks or cufflinks that are so cool they need sunglasses.

Pill poppers will find these sort of cufflinks useful and I expect that a decent amount of cocaine could be stored in there too.  Just saying, that's all.  If you're looking something more high tech, might I suggest the compass watch thermometer ones. Who knew you could have so much fun with your wrists? Finally, you can also get kawaii animal ones, some with rubber bendy tails. I repeat, rubber bendy tails. I can't wait for Hello Kitty cufflinks take the world by storm.

Spiderfreak, spiderfreak

Wearing a million dollar diamond dress is a good way for a B list celebrity to get some attention on the red carpet.  Samantha Mumba (yeah I know, Samantha who?) turned up at the Spiderman 2 London premiere looking like Spiderman threw up on her after Charlotte Church wisely turned down the chance to wear it.

There's so little of the dress that I wonder that maybe the designer intended for it to be a diamond shawl.   If you look closely she's also wearing a gaudy Spider diamond ring to match but I've seen worse (hey, I live in Hong Kong).   After the red carpet parade, she changed into something more wearable, but still as attention seeking. 

I'm kind of disappointed Samantha didn't go the whole way and wear spiderweb pantyhose too. The designer responsible is Scott Henshall, who you may remember, was at the centre of the Angelina Jolie Oscar dress hoax.  I wish somebody would steal the spidershawl too.

Airobics

Song Airlines (Delta Airlines' low cost subsidiary) is offering a new inflight-exercise program starting from next month. How is this possible when there isn't even space to sneeze in economy? For US$8 you get an elastic band and a stress ball, plus an instruction manual. Nothing more, no ginsu knife set, really that's it. Somehow you can remain in your seat and give your whole body a workout. People who have joined the Mile High Club are probably thinking that they know a much better way.

There don't seem to be any plans to introduce the same thing on other airlines so the next time you are travelling, try these tips for keeping fit:
1. challenge your neighbour to an arm wrestle. Best of 3.
2. raise your arms alternately to signal a flight attendant. You'll be doing this at least half an hour before they come.
3. if you are into yoga, try wrapping your legs behind your ears. You will be comfortable this way because you will get more legroom in this position.
4. use the headrest in front of you as a punching bag, thus allowing the passenger in front of you to have a free head massage.
5. food fight! It's not like you were going to eat it anyway.

Ugh they just won't go away

It just wasn't enough that they claim to own the word "ugg". Or that they source their Ugg Australia fair dinkum Aussie ugg boots from China. Now they are also going to be responsible for the most heinous fashion trend of 2004 - the ugg handbag.

Neiman Marcus already claims to have received US$800,000 in advance orders for these furry freaks. One of the models is called the Fluff Muff. That's the most pornographic name for a handbag if I ever saw one. Stop this madness now. Please, think of the children!

Hola amigos!

My first blog! How excitement! I will write about things vaguely related to bad fashion and lifestyle trends in Hong Kong and all around the world. There will be photos of badly dressed people, some familiar faces, some complete strangers. So, in summary - fashion, shopping, style, trends, and did I mention breasts? Most of all there will be breasts.