Friday, July 14

From the lips of Lindsay

Situations where it may be appropriate to make weird kissy faces instead of posing normally for photographers

When you seem to recall it worked for Marilyn Monroe but forget that it doesn't really work for anyone else

When you see someone you fancy and you want to invite them back to your hotel room to recreate the happiest place on earth

When you feel so very happy and relaxed and are just generally stoned beyond comprehension

When you've just had a car accident and you would prefer to exchange airkisses instead of insurance details

When expressing appreciation for all the young fans who continued to support you throughout your wildly fluctuating breast sizes

When you're trying to impress Meryl Streep with your brilliant impersonation of a cat's backside

When you don't want to be shown up as any less feminine than the drag queen beside you

When you need to lightly blow away traces of cocaine from your fingers without calling suspicion on yourself

Next update: Monday 17 July

Wednesday, July 12

Foreign fashion customs

And for like the tenth season in a row, burqas are the hottest fashion trend in Kabul. When you hold a fashion show in Afghanistan, you have to make sure that everything is appropriately covered, even when expatriate models are used. In terms of offensiveness, a bare arm or leg ranks right up there with that infamous photo of Paris Hilton forgetting to cover her gaping maw with underwear before getting out of a car. It just goes to show the importance of knowing your market and being sensitive to cultural norms and not googling randomly for pictures of Paris Hilton.

For example in Barcelona, lacy lingerie on its own is not considered appropriate when in polite company. You can easily avoid committing a devastating faux pas with a pair of fitted shorts.

But in other parts of Spain it is perfectly ok to place your bones prominently on display.

Turning to South America, there's no shame in wearing almost the same thing as your gal pals for a fun night out on an Argentinian town, as long as everyone chooses different coloured shoes.

Peru is slightly more liberal than most countries and the following meet the official definition of smart casual: cotton wool, shaving cream, whipped cream and soap suds.

If you plan on making a yearend visit to Bosnia, be forewarned that they take Christmas very seriously there and expect you to dress accordingly.

In Kiev they have a peculiar custom called Povkgkzoshzhenya which translates roughly into "you wear what you kill and what you can steal off a homeless person's back while they are sleeping".

Very instructive but a little confusing isn't it, considering we have barely scratched the surface of what other interesting cultural nuggets are out there. Sometimes it makes me want to pack up and move to somewhere diversely multicultural like Miami where you can afford to get everything mixed up and still be socially acceptable.

Next update: Friday July 14

Monday, July 10

You Like, You Buy Vol 46

The Momento ( brand is somewhat of a mystery to me. The shop interiors look boutiquey, the sales assistants are keen to point out the undeniably authentic Italianness of the designs but it all really smacks of what a Hong Kong supporter of the Azzuris celebrating their World Cup win, would in their alcohol-addled delirious mind, imagine Italian design to be.

A good proportion of the clothes is actually acceptable in small doses, with some teetering on the brink of disaster but then veering away at the last minute by some invisible force of decency.

But every now and again you come across something which doesn't know where to stop with the lapels and the stitching and the stars and the flowers until it ends up being more confusing than the movie of the same sounding name but different spelling.

Or this denim skirt which has powerful magnetic properties but only in relation to kitschy coasters.

Or stuff you'd wear if numismatism or philately is a lifestyle rather than just a hobby to you.

Or typical Spring Break attire during the Victorian era.

Or what inevitably happens when you leave someone with a macrame fetish alone in a room with a plain black jersey and the words "promise me that you will never ever, ever, ever, under any circumstances mess with the neckline and sleeves".

Finally I'm just glad winter is a distant memory and we won't have to feast on carrion for at least another six months.

Next update: Wednesday July 12

Another blog to visit: Sleekman - men's fashion, beautiful women and everything else in between.